I used to read the Globe and Mail Daily
SomeTimes Multiple Times a Day
It was Nostalgia, you understand
My Dad, you understand
he reads it on his iPad back in the Smiths
It reminds me of Cinnamon Buns
my Dad’s Mustache
and the Way my Mom doesn’t hear AnyOne when she’s reading
It’s Familiar, Comforting and Kind of Absurd
I am an Anarkist : a Critical Outsider who loves noThing more than challenging Systems of Control in Culture, eSpecially when it comes down from on High for the Purpose of Maintaining that Very inEquality
I resent NewsPapers printing Articles about Gorgeous Houses in the sub/Urbs and the Marriages in them that are Monogamous and Bourgeois when, Three Sections over, the Ice Caps are Melting and Government is a Sham meant to protect the Wealth of the Greedy.
The Globe and Mail represents the Same North American Pompous Contentment ignores the Suffering Necessary for Such Individual Luxuries to xist disgusts me in EveryOne I see driving a Car.
Which is why it's Weird I read More NewsPaper Articles about Gorgeous Houses in subUrbia and the Monogamous Bourgeois Marriages inSide them than I read NewsPaper Articles about Global Warming and interNational Politics, Even though I think these Things are More Important.
The Globe and Mail has this Way of making me confront my " Feminine " and " Bourgeois " Sides.
I may resent subUrban Dream Homes for their unWarranted, Eco Destructive Indulgence, but I Sure do like looking at them
I like looking at Andrew Coyne, too
"Contrary to the received wisdom, much repeated these days by our admirers in other countries, that Canada balanced its books in the late 1990s through deep spending cuts, John argues that in fact economic growth did most of the job."
Wow. That is Some Seriously Pedantic Shit, Dude.
I want to shove my Vagina in Andrew Coyne's Face while screaming " I AM A DEEP SPENDING CUT! "
and then point to his Penis while yelling, " HOW YOU LIKE THAT FOR ECONOMIC GROWTH? "
Do you think he would get the Joke?
Do you think Andrew Coyne would rather meet me or stay the Fuck away from me
after reading this?
If I was going to have Sx with Andrew Coyne I would want us to give Each Other Head in the Vancouver Airport Bath Room while we were Both Drunk on Xpensive but off Tasting Martinis.
I can't read Andrew Coyne, but I can watch him on tV, maybe because he’s Hot ( to a Lady obsessed with Academic Politikos the way Men are obsessed with Waitresses ), maybe because you can watch Any Thing on a tV. Andrew Coyne and Peter Mansbridge discuss the Conservative Agenda via a Surprise re Shuffling of Cabinet? Well Well Well, you don't say, but forgive me if I pay Attention the Way a Man does to the out Comes of a Jello Wrestling Competition.
The Globe and Mail, like our Gov Funded CBC, is a Centrist News Outlet : Conservative Liberal with a Touch of Socialist for Garnish. As a polyAmorous whose Supreme Virtue is Freedom from xtraPersonal Compulsion, their Articles on Relationships make me guffaw / groan. So Many upTight People in this Country. Uk. So Many People who won't believe / do a Thing Unless it's been Socially Reinforced with Data and Authority and over 1,000,000 Followers on Twitter. When I read the Globe aLone in my Room, I think, who the Hell can subsist on this MilqueToast? - then I go for a Walk through the sub/Urbs of Anywhere and I go, Riiiiiiight ... Millions subsist on this Watered Down Moral Porridge.
The Globe and Mail is a Support System for Capitalist Factory Corporate post British Empire.
For Xample, what does the Globe and Mail promote for it's Young Readers ( my Self ) above Any Thing else?
Why, an Education, of Course! Can't do Any Thing these Days without a Good Education! A post Secondary Education is Absolutely Necessary in getting a Proper Foothold in to Day's Competitive Information Economy! A Good Education at a Good University, of Course!
Do tell me, disCerning Reader
which of these Brick Establishments is
a) a Public School
b) Harvard University
c) a Factory
d) a Prison
e) a subUrb
You are no Thing but a Well Paid, iPod Owning Cog in the Machine of Capitalism, my Friend, a Signifigant Chunk of the Profit of your Labor going to People who live in Places that look More like this
and Most of the Entertainment Industry ( including News Entertainment ) xists to distract you from this Fact by making you feel like you are a Part of your Culture's Success and a Voice in its Direction, not just Xploited for the Sake of it and fed Homogenous Media Garbage in Order to convince you no Alternative xists.
but hey, can you imagine
in Stead of this Every Day :
this Every Day?
In Stead of this Every Day,
this Every Day?
and no One to tell you what Time to be there?
Ginsberg was obsessed with Time Magazine. When I hear him talk about it in ‘America,’ I laugh my Fucking Ass off.
Similarly, my Family Members keep Stacks of Maclean's Magazines for me to read when I come visit because they know how obsessed I am with them. Maclean's is More like a Canadian Time Magazine than the Globe and Mail. A Weekly News Magazine. In my Hey Day, I read Maclean’s Magazine about 3 Times a Week, if not, at Certain Points in my Life, 3 Times a Day.
What I enjoy about Maclean's is how Conservative it is ( it's Cute, like one of those White Dogs Conservatives love so Much
), Even if I despise how Conservative Maclean's is because
a) it's Boring
b) it's un Imaginative
c) its Placating
d) it's hiding its True, Socially Regressive / Natural Resource Xploitatative Motivations behind a Social Puff Pastry
This is the Difference between Conservatives and Anarkists, Man
This a'Parently Friendly Guy
and Canadian Prime Minister
" no Response "
Every Single Question on
the Canadian Parks and Wilderness Society
and the Pembina Institute
During the 2011 Election Period
and this a'Pparently not so Friendly Guy
an Anarkistic Rioter
who desires Utter Freedom
So, who do you think has More Fire in the Belly / knows More about Sapiens Yearnings and Desires?
I think I like working my Self into a Froth of Righteous inDignation and that's why I like Reading Maclean's Magazine. Probably the Reason I don't read the Toronto Star, despite it's Lack of Pretension, is it doesn't make me Angry. Many News Papers, I know, print Articles just to piss People off, but should these Cheap Punches Really Dominate Public disCourse? Should I be Angry at my National News Out Lets inStead of Enlightened? What the Hell is a National News Out Let? What the Hell is a Nation? The InterNet will replace it, in it's Natural pro Liferation.
When ever I read Maclean's and The Globe and Mail, I think
How dare these Hoity Toity, Conformist, Sycophantic AHoles determine Cross Continental Culture?
How dare we be Satisfied with the Words of Vapid Fools concerning Vapid Fools when
SomeOne like me xists?
Mark Steyn, Canadian Political Commentator
or maybe its just his Beard.
I Once got Nachos with this " because they have the Best Fiscal Policy " Conservative Type. A Lawyer --> Editor --> Finance Guy and who wanted to help me bag Married Men for Money ( now there's a Conservative Fiscal Policy for you, eh? ). He used to hang with these Crowds and he said All the Right Wing Writer Ladies like Mark Steyn, and this upset me because
( that's why I smoked up Salvia before showing to our First Meeting ), not a " Right Wing Writer Lady "
b) I thought I was Totally Original crushing on Mark Steyn like that.
Ha. Of Course not.
Look at that Beard.
Kind of Looks like Noah Cicero, Actually
Noah Cicero, American Under Ground Author I will turn into my Sx Slve
I would have Sx with Mark Steyn and Andrew Coyne at the Same Time in the Bath Room while All of us were Kind of Smashed on Faux Classy Martinis in the Vancouver AirPort and had Only just finished a Debate on the Trend towards Social Collapse leading into a Debate over the Value of Riot Memetics leading to a Bet that I win leading into the Bath Room.
The Guy with the Nachos and the Married Men Connection knew Rebecca Eckler, too.
He said Rebecca Eckler was “ Authentically Ditsy, ”
unLike Leah McLaren,
Leah McLaren, Canadian Journalist and Author
who " pretends to be Ditsy, "
which is so True!
Does Any One remember how Leah McLaren wrote a Novel and how Much it sucked?
I feel like she could write a Good Novel, but she’s trying too Hard to be Rebecca Eckler, who could Never write a Good Novel and it's even trying Any More at All. I mean, Rebecca Eckler is a Yummy Mummy with a $100, 000 a Year Min. Price Tag who flirts with Journalism when it suits her. Please, look at this.
" I'd quit writing if I won the Lottery, " Miss Eckler told the National Post. Oh Boy I can tell. Spoiled Daddy's Girl with Credit Card impregnated by Yuppie Boy Friend does not a Genius Writer make.
Anarkist Philosopher with Attitude, however ...
The im'Pression Rebecca Eckler and Leah McLaren's Work makes on me is that while " Writer " is my Primary Identity, the Rest a Concoction whipped up for our Mutual Pleasure, " Writer " is their Secondary Identity, behind which is " Lady who wants to get married so as to raise Beautiful Children over whom she can fuss with Xpensive Theme Parties she throws in Gorgeous House in sub/Urb while the Andrew Coynes and the Mark Steyns of the World deal with the Nasty Business of ' Politiks. ' "
While Rebecca Eckler and Leah McLaren are Lady Writers writing for Ladies and that's a Good Thing in and of itsSelf, the Content of their Articles reinforces Ladies' Status as Secondary, Primarily Domestic Citizens, even their Jobs " out in the World " as " Writers " allways carrying with them the Soft and Gentle Perfume of the Powder Room. While Andrew Coyne and Mark Steyn xist to reinforce the Masculine Power Structure called " Government, " an Illusory Xtension of Empire, Rebecca Eckler and Leah McLaren xist to reinforce Ladies' Position as Mothers to the Nxt Generation of CreDitsy Consumers, Easily controlled via their Primarily Decorative Identities.
I don't blame Ladies for this inEquality of Social Influence.
I blame Centuries of inStitutionalized Patriarchy.
I could Never have been the Girl the Guy who bought me Nachos wanted me to be because, Fundamentally, my Opinions are a Challenge to that Long Standing System, the Very One Maclean's, with their Subtly but Fundamentally Regressive " Ladies' Interest " Articles inches, Issue by Issue, towards reclaiming : Patriarchal Domination. I am so through with that.
I use my Sxiness to grab and keep Attention and I use my Brains to block Every StereoType the Patriarchy can throw at me. I establish Radikal Equality.
That is the Power of Out Siders.
( How do you think the Head Line would read of a Maclean's Cover Page featuring me? " Canada's Wildest / Most Controversial Writer "? " How a Small Town BC Girl is taking Canadian Publishing by Storm "? )
I can’t read the National Post without wanting to stick my Finger down my Throat ( so I can be Thin so I can be a Model so Rich Men will buy me Stuff! )
It’s Hardly written by People so Much as Consumers.
Have you read it?
Have you noticed how Every Thing they write is an Illusion?
I mean, I don't know it it, but I get the Same, Eerie, X-Files-y Feeling when I watch Fox News - like,Whoa, did that Really just happen? Did this Person Really just say that? Is this Person Stupid, or are they trying to brainwash me into being Stupid? Christians - Most Likely. Modern Christians are Good at abnegating their Wackiness through an ongoing vomit of Bull Shit. And like the Christian Church, The National Post's Opinion Pieces doesn't xist to benefit you, or your Life, they xist to maintain Current inEqualities of Power and in'Fluence.
The Writers of The National Post are not Only lying to us most of the Time, they are lying to thier Selves, believing, as the In Siders would have us beleive, that sucking up to them will grant in Ordinate Privilege.
It's Hard to xplain the " not Honest " Vibe I get from the National Post's Journalism. All I can say it is gives me the Willies.
The National Post’s Afterword is alRight, I guess. I think the People who write the Afterword have Never met the People who write the News and the People who write the News don’t read ( they’re the News Paper Version of this Hip Hop Producer I lived with in NYC who Only listened to his Own Music / Kanye West ) or are Actually Robots.
My Best Friend / Partner / Muse jody franklin reads the Toronto Star. According to him, the Toronto Star has the Largest Readership in Canada, which I would like to think means the Majority of Canadians are unPretentious. And there's your Bit of Optimism to finish off the Essay!
On having Sx with People in Ontarian Infotainment
where I imagine what it would be like to have Sx with People in " Canadian "- ie : Ontario -" News "- ie : Infotainment
Mark Steyn is Better-looking and has a Longer, Thicker Cock than Rex Murphy
Rex Murphy gives Better Head because he is More Sensitive
Rex Murphy has One of those Curved, Shorter Cocks that are Good for GSpot Orgasms, but, Sadly, Rex Murphy is Flaccid. He takes Viagra but I suspect the Problem is Really about ...
Andrew Coyne will subscribe to my PulPit PornArt Web Site ( Once it is in Operation ) and will look at it while High on Cocaine and Whiskey but will begin avoiding the Vancouver Airport / Mark Steyn even at unNecessary Personal Cost.
Kory Teneycke will humiliate the Shit out of you, but Really, wants to be humiliated hisSelf. Kory likes to dress up in Large Feathery Hats. His Best Friend is his Cat, whom he addresses as if a Person. If he were Less of a Wuss / Jerk, I might give him a Hand Job. Maybe. Maybe I will buy him a Drink in a Bar and ask him what he thinks about Anarkist EcoTopias. InStead of replying, Kory Teneycke will turn away thinking, this Lady's Forwardness ( as metonymized by her Perky Breasts ) disturbs and frightens me and will act as if pre Occupied with his Black Berry like a Small Animal will feign Death in Order to ward off a Predator.
Christie Blatchford likes Young Men. Like Really Young Men. Like 16, 17 Particularly. ESpecially the Ones with SkateBoards. When she drinks she thinks about that Intern and she wonders if she will act. Don't worry, Christie - Men do it All the Time! Try to stick to Men between the Ages of 18 and 27, even though I know your Favorites are the Teen'Agers. They will thank you for the Wisdom you impart on them as Long as you are Gentle with it.
George Strombolopolous, thinking he looks SomeThing like / has similar Interests to jody, hits on me after an Interview Only to Realize the Whole While he thought I was listening Attentively to his Anecdote about drinking with Feist, I was mesmerized by the Light reflecting off his Hair.
I would Totally do a Threesome with Barbara Amiel and Conrad Black. In Jail. Every One would wear Corsets and smack Each Other on the Bottom while saying Things like, " You're Naughty! ", " Oh No! You're Naughty! " They would buy me Champagne and I would tell them stories about things I did while High on Blow. Steve Jobs will make an Appearance. Xcept Wait, are they too Old for that now? Now do they just take Dogs for Walks?