Self Improvement

18

This is :

Me striking a blow against internalization resulting in neuroses, resulting in jeopardous manic-depressive inclinations, resulting in yet another penny in the voracious pharmaceutical mega-pocket. Hoo-rah.

My Man

18

My boss has a dog living in the basement where the furnace burns red and hot. My boss is a beautiful man with big, brown eyes and clever hands. He is tall, thin and athletic - a runner. He wears a suit and tie to work, but he has scars where his piercings used to be and he still wears a beard. When he smiles it is like a cut to his face. It is the smile of a brilliant, politically incorrect joke.

My boss has me bring my reports, and he finishes his calls while he drinks his coffee. He likes the coffee black and he drinks it slowly. My boss is like any good businessman : he changes with the times. Now he has a computer system and an international payroll and a building downtown with windows like blue mirrors stretching to the sky. My boss has come a long way from caves.

My boss offends easily, and he can be particular. He likes me on the desk, hands trapped, skirt hitched. He knows I am temptation, and he knows first-hand where that leads, but I think he’s come to terms. After all, even he is just a man.

Listening to my Sister and her Friends laughing in her Room

18

Listening to my sister and her friends

laughing in her room,

I remember when I could laugh like that.

For the Most Part

18

For the most part, understandings

burst off tall buildings like pigeons

scattering mathematically

into sunlight probing from the gaps between clouds

and cannot be caught

only coyly observed.

I see you with your arm held out

as you’re pulled away

into a black void 

by God

or Love

or what?

You’re gone.

Poof.

Gone.

Alter Ego

18

I am your gregarious nympho-junkie alter ego

I live in your festering boredom

I am born of watching glamorized TV gangsters boast morals with their magnums and movie strippers flash smarts with their bodies

I blossomed when you couldn’t help but notice Tiffany Big-Tits, the table-top, cooler-swigging, high-school whore got all the hottest boys.

I want you one, two, three, four “ vodka, straight ” shot up and slammed down.

In both senses of the term - I want you hammered.

I want you clit-licking for clichéd fantasies

So you can finally realize your yearning :

You want to be wanted.

Hello Fellow Patient

17

Do you know what it feels like to be nothing?

Of course you do

we all do.

We all slam and scream and slit thin thin cuts in that mother fucking fragile flesh of ours at least once out of curiosity

We all wish we were special.

And worthy.

And worthy of sweet comfort in the late night by anyone

Anyone

Anyone who could possibly love us,

Us over emotional, over dramatic, needy needy wanty wanty

Pieces of emo trash.

You make me ashamed to wish to feel.

You make me hate my need to know.

I ask does age bring self acceptance?

Or am I doomed?

Doomed?

Doomed to be forever insecure, unobserved, indistinguished :

Pedestrian pill popper in the longline masses of middle class monotony?

I am so afraid.

I am so much nothing new.

Black Book

17

It’s my black book : it’s full of lies and titters and

 

wonderful ! bountiful ! events to behold, it’s

Something they call life, but,

Who are “ they, ” anyway? Those omni-potent majesties?

Their cocks are long and thick to demand such distinctions, why,

I aught to fuck one just to see how it’d be

On top, up high,

( Though I’m underneath and tied down )

Plus, slipperyswaky silk wouldn’t

Ride raw my wriggling wrists and

The post-parting gloat would be the sweet sealed deal, see, cuz

These are the fancies filling the never-lonely pages

Of my black book

Full of lies and titters and

Think-thoughts to the tick-tocks.

Nails

16

I’m the good-time girl

The angry-desperate soul who’s gonna kill ya

with a change and I

Stabstabstab ! Nails in your face

Break a little fucker

Seam a little singing line

cuz I

Make small sense, no sense

And these are just words

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and die

Something’s gone from my motivation.

Barbwire

15

Under the silken sun he held me and the silk edges frayed

‘till I, babybaby, a sniveling devil thing

a biting little demon screaming

Challenge me! Challenge me! Fight!

A snap, a snarl, and I’m quite still calling

tragic loss and unforeseen

woe and woe and kisses

He’s kissing me

I am awful, bad and things, an unpredictable mess and I

wonder, tiny child kind of thing, what the hell he must be doing

Kissing you, he says

He says he’s kissing me

And it’s just another of those things I’ll never understand

like deep secret telling, and the minds of all those others

how anyone could love me, or even make a pass, for

I am claws out ready, attack attack attack!

I am horrid, dark and things, and thin disguised as beauty

He laughs at me, he’s laughing

Such a mean boy! Mean!

Some reason I’m not caring and

same reason I’m

bringing my hands into his

no more claws, no more profanities at the ready

It’s kind of a pretty thing— only sort of a little bit

Damndamndamn, I’ll take this to my grave, but…

I think he likes me because I’m lonely.

The Ballad of One, Two and She

14

And faceless she turned away, One changed in the ways he was the same

And Two was but a foolish boy and cascading from his eyes the pain of
many a fallen love

She was who she was, fourteen years of searching for One saved by
majestic lust

To call to the wind of Wonderful One, “ You killed them both a stride of
hand, your hand with its nails like daggers and flesh that sought to
redeem him ”

“ Two, she loved you with passion, ” was said, her head tilted to the coming
wind among the leaves so fine, so fine

And Two did not understand, perhaps it was his drink, his joint, that pressed
of pressure upon his mind, he heard : “ Many have sought for you, fought for
you, but none as powerful as me ”

And her hair mingling with the night, her hand held out to greet the sun, she said,
she said, “ I believed like those who drowned in the name of God that
you both loved me ”

Contextual Delight

14

She stands there and she watches eyes dark as hers

The sadness was unwanted, unexpected, inexplicable

Then as the music tolls! Reaching out across the walls!

------------------------ She smiles as she realizes

--------------------------------This is her contextual delight!

Shouldn’t be so complicated, she screams, oh she screams

------------------------Sees with new eyes dark as hers

His hand upon her, eyes dark as hers!

It’s all here! It’s all stretching out as far as the eye can see along the plains

------------------------oh this delight in the plains!

These are her memories. Thought and speech and movement a jumble

And it is all so wonderful!

The Passing

13

This is my death

I lie here still as stone

Cold as dark-angel’s breath

Flesh becoming bone.

+(((( '''' Molly Young is Sxe '''' ))))+ and so is Marie Calloway

My Original Essay about Molly Young has been removed as UNFIT was Kind enough to point out a Ton of Problems with it, which I will take this Opportunity to blame on my Youth and inXperience at the Time of Writing the Essay. Since I wrote Molly Young is Sxe and Andrea Coates is a BAD FEMINIST, the Two Essays critiqued by UNFIT, my Feminarky has evolved Considerably. For this Reason I have written a New Essay articulating the Points from the Original which I thought Worth salvaging.

Also remaining is the First Piece I ever wrote about Marie Calloway, which I had attached to the Molly Young Essay as they deal with Similar Matters ( the Use of Sx Appeal to sell Writing by Young Ladies )

MOLLY YOUNG is Sxe

I remember, the First Time I came across the Work of Molly Young

( Early 2011, on This Recording )

how Xcited I was

Here is this Young Lady Writer

( I thought )

Talented

( Molly Yong’s Article on Roberto Bolano is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Charles Bukowski is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Sasha Grey is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Adderall is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Playboy is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Bret Easton Ellis is Awesome

Molly Young's Article on Keira Knightly is Awesome… )

Literary in Persuasion

 Awe, she's got Philip Roth on her T-Shirt

using her Sx Appeal to get herSelf noticed

Right?

It seemed to me, Aged Twenty-Two, that Molly was working her Sultry Girl Look, and that this was the First Time I’d seen a Young Lady Writer nudge nudge wink wink Readers like that Other than, of Course,

Admittedly, mine's a Little More than a Nudge and Wink.

I think there is SomeThing imPortant, SomeThing Zeitgeistly, about Young Lady Writers using their Physical Sx Appeal as an Adage to their Literary Writing.

What is this, you ask? What is so imPortant about Young Lady Writers of the Millennial Generation adding Hot Photos of themSelves to their Literary Work?

Let me put it this Way:

When Ladies have to nullify their Sx Appeal in Order to be respected, no Feminine Power is respected

Which is to say - Deliberately, in Order to be taken Seriously by the Literary Establishment, toning down One’s “Feminine Hotness” when “Feminine Hotness” is a Power of the Feminine, is antiFeminist.

And it is a Long-Standing Tradition, even post-Feminism, and eSpecially within the Academic Realm in which Literature resides, to say: “Girls, if you want to be taken Seriously, don’t go flashing your Boobies.”

I say fuck that.

Flash your Boobies to your Heart’s Content.

And I say it’s eSpecially imPortant that we have intelLectual Young Lady Writers like mySelf and Miss Young giving off the Sxe Vibe because the Prevailing Attitude towards Young Lady Artists who work their Sx Appeal into their Art is that this devalues the Art, or that this Art is worth noThing outside of its Creator’s Beauty, which is, Often enough, True, in that Many Lady Artists are chosen for High-Profile Positions because their Art has Little Value outside of the Artists’ Sx Appeal, thereby reinforcing Patriarchy, which would have us thinking Only Men or Masculine or aSxual Ladies can, or ought to be, making intelLectual Art. If a woman has scholarly inclinations, there is usually something wrong with her sexuality, wrote Nietzsche.

So, a Young Lady writing a Literary Essay and throwing a Sxe Photo of herSelf in there as Well is a Challenge to Patriarchy at the Same Time as, hey, People like to look at Sxe Photos.

Of Course, it’s not the Sxe Photo that is a Challenge to Patriarchy: it is the Sxe Photo in juxtaposition to the Content of the Literary Essay.

When a pro-Feminist writes an inSightful, “Academic” ( in so Far as the Essay makes reference to Learned Concepts ) Essay and throws a Sxe Photo in there, the Juxtaposition of those Elements is a Challenge to a Patriarchal intelLectual Orthodoxy which considers intelLigence and Feminine Sxuality Mutually Xclusive Concepts. One cannot be an intelLectual and a Sxually Provocative Lady at the Same Time says the Academic Orthodoxy - this is “unProfessional” or underHanded and Manipulative. Yet, because Patriarchy is a Trap meant to put Ladies down, Any Lady who is not considered Sxually Attractive in a “Feminine” Way will be insulted on this Basis should she rise to a Position of Power. We cannot win. Either we are too Sxe to be taken Seriously, or not Sxe enough to be taken Seriously. We are not to be taken Seriously.

This, however, is an Essay about bridging the Gap between disPlays of Provocative Sxuality by Ladies ( whatever Form that may take ) and “Seriousness.” This is an Essay about Sxual Ladies being able to be More than Sxual Ladies and intelLigent Ladies being able to be More than intelLigent Ladies. It is about negating an unReal Polarity that has torn Western Ladies’ Hearts and Minds to Pieces for Generations - should I be Beautiful or should I be Smart?

The Arrival of Young Lady Writers inCorporating a Cheeky, Suggestive Sxuality ( like Molly Young ) or in-yo-Face Sxuality ( like me ) into Otherwise “Academic” Essays marks a Move towards a Synthesis: be Both!  And this is why I think it is imPortant and ought to be encouraged to the Degree to which an Author is Comfortable. What I want to end is the Idea that an Author ( Male or Female or Trans - I think it is Young Ladies who are starting this Trend because we are the Most Commonly “Sxualized” of the Genders / Ages and, therefore, believe we have the Most to gain by appearing in Sxual Imagery, but Really -  a Any Essayist who includes Personal Sxual Imagery = Sweet ) is degrading themSelves or their intelLectual Art by appearing in Sxual Imagery in conJunction with that intelLectual Work.

MARIE CALLOWAY is Sxe

Marie Calloway is anOther Young Lady Literary Writer utilizing her Sx Appeal to get Attention. Recently, she caused a Whole ShitStorm on the InterNet when she published, First to her Blog and then to my Nemisis, Tao Lin's, Muumuu House, a Short-Story called Adrian Brody describing her Seduction of and Sx with an Older, Better Known, Male Cultural Blogist. For this "Literary" Achievement, the NY Observer profiled the Young Author in an Article titled Meet Marie Calloway : the New Model for Literary Seductress is Part Feminist, Part 'Famewhore' and All Pseudonyms, which All of declares the First Time Author the Net's Nxt Literary "It Girl."

Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Fools



A Literary Seductress

All Feminist

All Fame Whore

All Authentic

I am the Net's Nxt Literary "It Girl"

The Positive Attention awarded Marie Calloway's Adrian Brody is an Xample not of the Patriarchy attempting to diminish Serious intelLectual Art by a Young Lady because it contains Xplicit Sxuality ( a Difficult Ruse to maintain Once the Artist has rejected its Basic Premise - that a Girl displaying herSelf Sxually for herSelf is Shameful ), but the Patriarchy promoting Art by a Young Lady that lacks intelLectual Merit because it contains Xplicit Sxuality ( a Much Easier and Far More Effective Means of maintaining the Lie that intelLectualism and Feminine Sxuality are Mutual Xclusive - if noBody ever sees Serious intelLectual Art by Sxualy Provocative Ladies, it mustn't xist! )

How do we know that Marie Calloway's Adrian Brody is not Worthy, as Literature ( but rather Only as an Xample to Other Young Ladies of the Kind of Art the Patriarchy wants us to create ), of the Accolades being pressed upon it?

1 )

Marie Calloway's Prose is Pretty Pedestrian 


From Adrian Brody

I finally saw him on the opposite side of the street from where I was standing.

My first impression of him after noting he was bald and wearing a navy polo like he said was that he seemed awkward and out of place. He was carrying a black shopping bag which added to this feeling somehow. He seemed strange and clumsy. This reassured me, like he was actually what I had imagined and hoped he would be.

Oi.

As I tried to convey above with the Line it’s not the Sxe Photo that is a Challenge to Patriarchy: it is the Sxe Photo in juxtaposition to the Content of the Literary Essay, using Sx Appeal to sell Writing, as a Young Lady Literary Writer, Only works to challenge the Patriarchy ( which is what Marie Calloway thinks she is up to ) and garner Respect for the Artist as an Artist ( which is what Marie Calloway thinks she deserves ) if their Literary Writing is Top Notch before the Hook-up Gossip and Hot Shots come in. As Well as being called the Nxt Big Thing, Marie Calloway is facing a Lot of Heat from the Web Public - People putting her down, calling her Sxist Names, etc - that could have been avoided, I think, if Adrian Brody had been released as a Solid Work of Literature, not just a Half-Baked, Derivative Confession unWorthy of its Supposed "Literary" Acclaim. It's not that I'm condoning these inSults - I don't think Any Girl should be shamed for her Use of her Sxuality - it's that when SomeOne called Marie Calloway the Nxt Big Thing in Literature, this was insulting to All the Young Ladies out there who are Better Writers but don't post Pictures of themSelves with Cum on their Face. Also, I've found that I've been posting Pictures, like this One, of mySelf fingering mySelf while fingering you, for Years without People swarming to insult me ( Web Critics are Sharks ) and I infer that this is because there is Little Room to doubt, in reading my Work, I'm an Xceptionally Talented Writer: Insults based in my Use of Sxual Imagery have no Power to diminish me as an Artist, and so the Sharks don't even try ( they Only ever go for your Weakest Point: my "Narcissism," my being "Delusional," but Mostly they give me the Silent Treatment, because they know, subConsciously, I suppose, Silence in Face of my outRageouness, which demands a reAction, upsets me Most ). My Sx Appeal is the Cherry on the Cake of my Literary IdEntity, as opposed to the Cake itsSelf and this protects me as a Literary Artist from the Legions of Sharks who would shame "just anOther Hot Chick." I'm not just anOther Hot Chick. Meanwhile, her Sx Appeal is "Marie Calloway's" Cake ( the Pseudonym refers to Marie Antoinette, so, let's let Marie Calloway eat it, shall we? ): Tao Lin's Chosen Token Lit Slut's Lit Fame hinges More on the Fact that she's Sxe, she's had Sx with Some New York Blog Guy, and People's Want to hear about Others People's Sx Lives, than it does on Any Accomplishment in the Way Words are put together in a Sentence, which makes her Fame ... not so Literary ... More "Voyeuristic as seen through the Lens of Writing," Bad Writing, like 50 Shades of Grey Bad.

Marie Calloway has what Balzac referred to as "Drawing Room" Celebrity - its More about who she associates with ( Tao Lin and "Adrian Brody" ) than what she's written. On her Blog and in Adrian Brody, however, Marie Calloway implies that Peeps condescend to her Literary Talents because she is a Girl who writes about Sx. Well, Marie Calloway, if you are willing to take the Advice of a Fellow 20 Some-Odd Feminist onLit Writer / Porn Artist, pay Attention to the Craftsmanship of your Prose and you will see, Accordingly, what happens to the Amount of Respect you get for your Literary Talents, no Matter how Many Nudes you post or which Men you choose to shag.

( For the Single Best deConstruction of Marie Calloway's Prose I've found to Date, check here )

2 )

Marie Calloway got Lit Famous for having Sx with a Man More Lit Famous than her, which makes her Lit Fame, in Terms of Plato's Ideals, an Echo of a Form as opposed to a Form. On Top of the Fact that her Story was published by Tao Lin ( who Clearly has a Thing for the Long-Haired Caucasian Brunettes that, Consequently, proliferate in "Alt Lit" ), that her Prose is Pedestrian in a Way Utterly Endemic of Muumuu House and the Vast Majority of "Alternative Literature" as inspired by Lin - Adrian Brody's Structure is Identical to that of a Typical Story by Lin ( Bones: eMail Conversation followed by iRL Encounter followed by Every-Day Activities Such as Eating, Walking, or Sx, followed by Rien; Flesh: Conversations about Pop Culture ) reinforces the imPression Marie Calloway's onLit Persona is not so Much "Young Lady Literary Writer" as "Girly onLit Groupie," which, unFortunately for EveryOne involved, nullifies a Lot of the Feminism Present in her Work ( I am Free to be xploited, says Marie Calloway's Specious Brand of Feminism ).

Marie Calloway's Work is Feminist in that she is xpressing her Feminine Perspective through Art, but her Feminism is yet underDeveloped. Marie Calloway is still Largely Passive and Receptive to Other People's Opinions of her and her Work - Only just getting to Active in Terms of creating her Own Opinions / imPressions of Society and Self. Marie Calloway's Tendency to post More Quotes and Photos and Essays created by Others than her Own Work on her Blog is Endemic of her a Lack of a Fully-Formed / Unique Feminist IdEntity.

So, in becoming Lit Famous onLine when and how she did, to Men's Advantage Primarily, Marie Calloway was a Feminist Fruit plucked before it Fully ripened. Marie Calloway reminds me of Rain from Bret Easton Ellis' Imperial Bedrooms: though her Artistic Aspirations are Real, these are Repeatedly squandered by the Selfish Men in Positions of Power who help her to achieve these Artistic Aspirations Only in return for Sx and submission, which she gives. This is to say that because Marie Calloway's Sense of Self still relies on the Attention and Favors of Men More Powerful than her, Men have capitalized on her Art, which xpresses this Lack of a Fully-Formed Self, as this Sorta-Feminist-emPowered-but-not-Really Art works to these Men's Benefit: Men have thrust Marie Calloway into the LimeLight above All Other Young Ladies on the InterNet toDay that her inComplete / Passive / Highly-Sxualized Idea of what Feminism is be emulated because it is Easier for the Patriarchy to deal with than a Form of Feminism like my Own, for Xample, which, even though More Sxually Brazen than Marie Calloway's, in Tandem xpresses an Ambition and Self-Possession we've come to see, under Patriarchy, in its Confidence and its Passion, as the purView of Men.

This is how Marie Calloway's Earnestly Feminist Intentions have been compromised: she is a Puppet Feminist, too Young and lacking in Self-Confidence to call out the ( Right ) Men around her on their conDescension. Stephen Elliot, with The Rumpus, for Xample, did an interView with Calloway after the Release of Adrian Brody, then hired her to do her Own interView with Momus. Now, Xactly what the Fuck Kind of a Message is that supposed to send when Momus, Fifty Some-Thing, according to Marie Calloway herSelf in Adrian Brody, told her about "being in love with this 18 year old girl over the internet"? "Hey Young Ladies! - sleep with a Successful Man Twice your Age, write about it in Lurid Detail ( in Fact, take a Picture of the Cum on your Face so we know you Really did it ), and we'll give you a Job interviewing Other Successful and Perverted Men, how does that sound?" Marie Calloway's Career Ark also strikes me as Similar to Josépha's from Cousin Bette: her Artistic Talents cultivated by Men for their Sake, in a Patriarchally-Limited Idea of Freedom, the Courtesan begins hopping from One Man to anOther in an Attempt to find the One with the Most Resources to offer her in Return for her inFamous Sxual Favors. So, do you think Stephen Elliot hired Marie Calloway because a ) he wants to fuck her, b ) he wants to encourage More Young Ladies to sx their Ways to a Literary Career, c ) he wants to stick it to "Adrian Brody," or, d ) he thinks Marie Calloway's Writing is "Fresh" ?

In her Literary Work, Marie Calloway bemoans the Position of the Young Girl in the World toDay, but she does Little to noThing to change this Position, rather, she benefits from it, invalidating her Very Legit Complaints and accounting for Much of the Pity People feel for her. She thinks she's breaking Boundaries writing about her Affair with Mr. "Brody" and having Tao Lin publish it, but Really, we've seen Young Girl sleeps with Famous Man, gets Famous a Million Trillion Times, and we've seen Famous Man promotes Derivative Work of Sxe Younger Lady to make himSelf look Cool just as Many. It would have been Far More Subversive if a Young Man had written Meryl Streep about a Lady Blogist and then had yet anOther Famous Lady Writer publish it on her Lit Blog.


Oh Well


Maybe Nxt Time

Either Way, Marie Calloway's Label as Young Lady Lit Star is an inFlated One. Calloway has been elevated to a Position she is not Ready for, she did not ask for, and she does not seem to want.


But guess what?

I am

I did

and

I do

Marie Calloway is a Containable, Controllable preFiguring of what is to come, GirlKore on Lit

Compliant enough to Patriarchal Establishment to be promoted by it, Marie Calloway is Better kNown than Andrea Coates because Tepid Twenty Some-Thing Hipsters and Pervy Middle-Aged Editors can't handle me. I took down Tao Lin's Writing in Writing, just like a Man would have done if he'd wanted to establish himSelf as the Greater Millennial Writer, but ain't noOne would confuse me for a Man, now is there? That's what scares 'em Misogynists. They don't know how to deal with a Chick can play Ball Better than they can and ain't aFraid to be Sxe and Naked and Feminine on Top of it, too. I bet dhey is. The Guys in onLit are willing to promote Girls so Long as those Girls look and sound like Prettier / Cuter / Sxier / Less Threatening Versions of themSelves, and this is why my Arrival on the onLit Scene is so Damned imPortant. Though a Young Lady, I grab my Life and my Art by the Balls, and that Act, in its Boldness, in it's Purely Artistic inTentions, makes me a Feminist Literary Icon.

ASide from the Boring Prose, the Lack of a Fully-Formed Sense of Self, and the Willingness to let Men xploit her, I like Marie Calloway, don't let this Piece convince you Otherwise. In her Work, she's xploring an Aspect of Femininity that needs to be acknowledged ( how Men xploit us and how we give in to this Paradigm of Xploitation ), but, until Calloway creates Literature that is inDividual in its Structure, multiDynamic in its Language, its Value divorced from who its Author did or did not have Sx with, her Fame in 2012 will remain Evidence of how


Feminism can be and still is xploited by Patriarchy to Patriarchy's Advantage

Marie Calloway is 22. I'd say that's too Young to tell what Kind of an Artist she'll be ( a Flash in the Pan of GirlKore? A Warning to Young Aspiring Feminists? Will she write a Novel? A Work of "Confessional Literature"? Journalism? Memoir? Will she turn her Zuihitsus into Meaningful Feminist Tracts? or just get married in 5 Years [ you remember that Post? I remember that Post ]? ). We shall see.



Me, though, s'All here, yo.


S'All made Crystal Clear

Andrea






P.S. - Marie, Marxism?

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