Andrea Coates, Age 16
Your Reaction to this Title, Slutty TeenAge Girls, whether you find it Pleasant or un Pleasant, Offensive or a'Rousing, provides the imPetus for this Essay. In Contemporary Times, there is no Sxuality that is More Problematized, nor More Fetishized, than that of the TeenAged Girl. No Sxuality is so Roundly discouraged in One Place Only to be so Wildly
encouraged in an Other. Purity Balls and
Miley Cyrus xist Side by Side. No Sxuality is presented, in Art and in Media, as so Powerful, in-Toxicating and overWhelming for the Beholder as that of the TeenAge Girl, and yet is its Source, the TeenAge Girl her Self, so Alienated from this Power. Men cannot resist the Allure of TeenAged Girl, and yet she is Largely Ignorant of how to conduct a Sxual Relationship. The Sx Drives of TeenAge Girls are therefore treated as Dangerous to the TeenAge Girl her Self - she may be taken Advantage of. For this Reason, her Sxuality is to be quelled, controlled, repressed. It is the Source of Familial Shame while the Man’s ( Both the Grown Man’s and the Young Man’s ) Desire for the TeenAge Girl is seen as Normal, a Natural, an un Questionable Reality, Picturesque, even. The Man's Desire for the TeenAge Girl has been the Subject of Some of the Most Decorated Films, Books, Songs, Photographs, etc. This Attraction Men feel towards the TeenAge Girl is derived Both from her Youthful Beauty and from her Lack of Self Understanding. The TeenAge Girl is “ Charming ” in her Naivete at the Same Time as having a “ Better Body. ” Yes, a Cocktail of Desirables is the TeenAge Girl. She is Helpless, yet Sx with her is a Risk. She bestows Youth upon those Men who would fuck her, but Probably they are stealing it from her. Is this not the Message of Lolita?
In the Culture I live in ( Canadian, which is influenced to the Point of being inDistinguishable from American ), 2011 Gregorian, it seems the Loudest Voices jockeying for a say over what is the “ Proper ” Sxuality for the TeenAge Girl to practice are the Religious Conservatives who would see the TeenAge Girl Chaste and Married and the Liberal Media who would see the TeenAge Girl Permanently Sxualized if Primarily Monogmaous, for her Own Good, of Course. I would add to this List, though they do no have Much Access to the Public Discourse beyond FaceBook, the TeenAge Boys, whose Comfort with Sxual Terminology and with Sxual Acts Often Far surpasses Girls' of the Same Age and who, thereby, Frequently dominate the Dialogue on Sxual Activity as occurs between TeenAgers - at Least in my Xperience, and I am 23. However, though what is Desirable to a TeenAge Boy is a Powerful inFluence on the TeenAge Girl's Sxuality, perhaps the Most Powerful Influence, but this Desire is structured, in the TeenAge Boy's Mind, by the Voices of Moral Authorities - Parents, Religious Leaders, Teachers, and the Media. I think that Small and Meek by Comparison to the Voices of Religious Leaders and the Media are the Voices of the Sx Educators, Male or Lady, Often involved in a School, or Parents, who have, in my Xperience, reacted to the Glut of Others' Desires surrounding the TeenAge Girl by saying : “ Your Best bet is to say no. But if you do say yes, here's how to avoid getting Knocked up.” All of this is to say that for the Most Part, creating the Range and deciding on the Nature of Sxual Activities permitted to and Desirable in - the Very Concept of “ permitting ” a “ Desirable ” Sxuality - the TeenAge Girl in the Early 21st Century - even post-Feminism, is the Purview of Males : their Fathers and Religious Leaders, their Pimps ( a Record Xectutive controlling the Sxualized Content put out by a TeenAge Star is a Kind of Pimp ) and would be Lovers ( Men and Boys ).
Lost in here is the Voice of the TeenAge Girl her Self. And no where is here is an Affirmative Voice for Sxual Activity by Girls from their Fellow Ladies, unless they happen to have an Open Minded Mother.
Let's break this down a Little More, shall we.
The TeenAge Girl from the Strictly Religious Background is Often required or at Least encouraged to stay “ Chaste, ” a Term that, Typically, means not having Sx until Marriage, ie : an Acceptable Sxual Partner is found for her, with whom she must promise to remain with for the Rest of her Days : a Heavy Task, Heavier in the Globalized Information Era when Millions can interact, in Cities and on the Web, on a Daily Basis. A TeenAge Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive, hereafter called the “ Slutty ” TeenAge Girl - an Attempt by me to reclaim a Positive Meaning for this Word - who is born into a Strict Religious Environment can go, it would seem, One of Two Ways : repress her Sx Drive and channel it into a Feverish Desire for Marriage, or indulge her Sxuality and be vilified for it, Possibly to the Point of Xpulsion from her Family, or in Some Religious Communities, Death.
A Secular, or Liberal Sx Education, however, does Little Better for the Slutty TeenAge Girl. It is implied, Even in this Environment, that Chastitiy is aLways “ Right, ” and Sxual Activity is Very Often “ Wrong. ” While not Mistaken, these Educations place Emphasis not on the enJoyment of Sxuality as an imPortant Aspect of being aLive, but on Disease, un Wanted Pregnancy and Rape. Only a Slow and Secretive Kind of Sxuality is acceptable for the Girl raised in the Liberal or Secular Environment. This is what I call Sxual Neutrality. Sxual Neutrality is a Sxuality that grows Slowly over the Course of a Relationship. It is a Sxuality that cannot be seen.
A Secular, or Liberal Sx Education, however, does Little Better for the Slutty TeenAge Girl. It is implied, Even in this Environment, that Chastitiy is aLways “ Right, ” and Sxual Activity is Very Often “ Wrong. ” While not Mistaken, these Educations place Emphasis not on the enJoyment of Sxuality as an imPortant Aspect of being aLive, but on Disease, un Wanted Pregnancy and Rape. Only a Slow and Secretive Kind of Sxuality is acceptable for the Girl raised in the Liberal or Secular Environment. This is what I call Sxual Neutrality. Sxual Neutrality is a Sxuality that grows Slowly over the Course of a Relationship. It is a Sxuality that cannot be seen.
The Sxually Neutral TeenAge Relationship
Sxual Neutrality is a Sxuality that remains at All Times under Control, Adult Control Specifically, when we talk of TeenAgers. It is a Reserved, Responsible, even non Xistent Sxuality. Sluttiness, in TeenAge Girl, is as Objectionable to the Liberal as it is to the Conservative.
Yet, All the While the the Adults Close to her are feeding her Messages of Sxual Restraint, the TeenAge Girl, Slutty by Nature or not, is bombarded with Media Images of Sxualized TeenAge Girls that imply that offering her Body to the Male Gaze is a Good Thing to do - it will make her Popular, even Rich.
Not too Risque for American TV : Miley Cyrus
Who would you rather be?
Finally, the Boys at her School, if they are not buying into Chastity or Sxual Neutrality as the Only Acceptable Sxualities for TeenAge Girls, are Often as Loud, and Far Dirtier, in their Calls to Sxual Activity by TeenAge Girls than the Media. But, these TeenAge Boys live in the Same “ Sluts are Bad ” World as the Girls do, creating One of the Most Painful Paradoxes known to the TeenAge Girl. Guys want you to have Sx with them, but Once you do, they don't like you Any More.
Faced with this Sad Possibility, the imPosition that the TeenAge Girl remain to the Chaste Side of Sxual by Sx Educators makes Sens. If the Sx Educator wants the Girl to feel Loved and Accepted, and minimizing her Sx Drive is All it takes for her to be Loved and Accepted, the Better for her and Every One else, no?
We'll see.
We'll see.
Meanwhile, the Pressure on the TeenAge Girl to be Both “ Chaste ” and “ Sxually Desirable ” at Once is Great. It seems that the Hottest Girls - as manifest in the Media, which, though it makes a Great Deal of Money off these Sxe Young Things, is operating in the Land of the Religious Conservative and must pay Lip Service to his Ideals - and as manifest in the Horny Boys who want Girls to be Sxe, want Girls to be Sxually Available, but vilify Girls who fall too Easily into Sx - are the Girls who are “ Desirable in their not having Sx, ” or, as I call it, Desirable in their Sxe Chastity.
The Essence of Sxe Chastity
Twilight's "Abstinence Porn" is a Perfect Xample of Sxe Chastity for TeenAge Girls as promoted by the Media
In the Early 2000s Jessica Simpson was an Icon of Sxe Chastity, a Pop Star who promoted her Self on her Sxe Looks and her Promise to " save Sx until Marriage. "
Under the Powerful inFluence of the Image of Sxe Chastity, the TeenAge Girl is compelled to show off her Boobs, put on Make up, and tease Boys for Attention, but she isn't supposed to have Sx with them. That's taking it too Far. It is Clear from this that Sxe Chastity is a Dangerous Set up. Have Sx and Suddenly, your Chastity, and thereby, Both your Moral Standing and your Sxiness, disappear. Poof. Gone. The TeenAge Girl is, post the Loss of her Virginity, “ Damaged Goods. ”
That Sxiness should end so Soon after Sx is the Tragedy of Sxe Chastity, and it reveals the Sxist Inner Core of the Paradigm. Under Sxe Chastity Only the Virginal Girl is Sxually Attractive. Grown, Sxually Active Ladies are a Kind of Sour Milk : they are Moms. The Sxe Chastity Paradigm makes Virginal Lovers Addictive, Only they are Good enough for the Self Gratifying Man, and in that, it the Paradigm of Sxe Chastity makes Life More Dangerous for the Very Girls it was meant to protect.
That Sxiness should end so Soon after Sx is the Tragedy of Sxe Chastity, and it reveals the Sxist Inner Core of the Paradigm. Under Sxe Chastity Only the Virginal Girl is Sxually Attractive. Grown, Sxually Active Ladies are a Kind of Sour Milk : they are Moms. The Sxe Chastity Paradigm makes Virginal Lovers Addictive, Only they are Good enough for the Self Gratifying Man, and in that, it the Paradigm of Sxe Chastity makes Life More Dangerous for the Very Girls it was meant to protect.
Sxe Chastity is an imPossible Paradox. It is an imPossible Paradox in the Same Way that telling Girls to be Really Skinny to be Sxe is an imPossible Paradox. Fertility is the Source of Beauty, Fat the Source of Feminine Fertility. A Girl who makes her Self Skinny to be Sxe is dwindling, along with her Fat, her Own Sx Drive / Ability to proCreate.
The Girl who engages in Sxe Chastity has set her Self up to be compromised in her Very Ambitions : to be Sxual and respected at Once.
While Libidinous Sxual Activity by TeenAge Girls is discouraged by the Same Media that traffics in it to Great Profit, in trying to live up to the imPossible Paradox of Sxe Chastity without Sensible Mooring the TeenAge Girl becomes Lost in the Sea of her Sxuality. In this Confused Position, the TeenAge Girl is Easily objectified and taken Advantage of. Once she has lost her Virginity, she can no Longer hope to be as Desirable as she was before. She might as well give up and let the Boys do what Ever they want to her, now. That may be her Only Way to get Love from them.
One can see, again, where the Liberal Sx Educators are coming from when they suggest Sxual Neutrality. Hold back on Flirtatiousness, hold back on Sx, build a Relationship based around Love and Friendship and there is a Greater Chance you will be respected as a Person Once you have Sx. The Problem with this Look out is that is still implies that Sxual Activity, and eSpecially Slutty Sxual Activity, is damaging to the Reputation of the TeenAge Girl.
Why should this be so? Why is being Slutty Bad? Because of Diseases? Because of Pregnancy? Imagine, just for a Second, if you could protect against those, because with Eduction and Practice, you can. Could it be, then, that Sluts are Maligned because the Way our Culture, Subvertly and Overtly, teaches a Girl to attract Men, whether she is under the Spell of Sxe Chastity or not, is to affect Docility, Malleability, Vulnerability, even Stupidity, creating an Association between Feminine Sxuality and a Lack of Self Possession? 
How to attract a Guy : be Vapid / Vulnerable
Define your Self as an Empty Vessel into which he can pour his Self.
Be Doting to the Point of Self Negation.
It seems, in our Culture, that if a Girl wants to attract a Boy, she is to pretend she had no Mind and no Will beyond that Boy if she wants to attract him.
And so TeenAge Girls grow up Alienated from their Bodies and their Minds, Never at Home in their Sxual Skins or their Sxual Thoughts. If they give in to their Sxual Feelings, they are rejected by their Cultures, dismissed as Sluts and left to languish where ever they First dared fuck out Side the Acceptable Boundaries of Sxe Chastity or Sxual Neutrality : the Ghetto, the Small Town, the Marriage, the Affair. And, if they do want Sx, they are taught to behave as Idiots, and in that, stigmatizing them is justified.
Outward Xpressions of Libidinousness, our Culture tells the TeenAge Girl, will be met with Punishment. Better not to try it, for your Own Sake, of Course.
This Dire Situation for the Authentic Xpression of Slutty Sxuality by the TeenAge Girl, that is to say the Sxuality of the Slutty TeenAge Girl as she would xpress it without imPossible Paradoxes, Dire Warnings, or Ghastly Punishments to think about, is Terrifying in its omni Presence.
For this Reasons I have found it Necessary to comment on, now, before so Many Years pass I forget what it was like to have been that preCarious Creature, the Slutty TeenAge Girl. For I have found that Much of the Ignorance and mis inFormation that plagues the Sxualities of TeenAge People in General and TeenAge Girls in Specific can Only be accounted for if we understand that the Adults who create the Frame Works within which these Young People are permitted to behave have either forgotten or have Never known what it was like to be those Very Young People. They have forgotten that Once they willed / desired and were curtailed in their Willing / Desiring. Or they have had their Wills / Desires crushed by those who would protect them / those who would control them and would crush Others' Wills / Desires, for they know no Other Way. Or, Lastly, they see Gain to be had for their Selves in repressing / controlling the Sxual Wills / Desires of Others. Only in the TeenAge Girl speaking out about what it is like to be a TeenAge Girl, to be trapped, in the Case of my Adolescent Years, between Two Rigid, Culturally Reinforced Poles - Whore / Madonna, the Perfect & Chaste but Naive Girl on the One Hand and the Slutty and disGraced but Xperienced Girl on the Other - will the Immense Power of this Sxuality, its Very Youthful Vigour, be put back in the Hands of those who deserve it Most, for their Self Protection within this, a Culture that would shut them off from the World and from their Selves or fuck them like they were created for that Purpose Only : the TeenAge Girls.
I will be making reference, in this Essay, to my Novel S.i/S: but I will make Sure that All References are Comprehensible without Any One's having read the Book.
The in'Ception of S.i/S: can be traced to my TeenAge Years, when I struggled to gain a Foot Hold on my Rapidly changing Sxuality and the Realities, Responsibilities and Powers entailed by it. The First Thing that struck me, in searching for Guidance,was the Hypocrisy of the Messages being fed to me in regards to my Sxuality. As a Young Person Fully immersed in the Culture of my Day, I became aware of the Overtly or sub Consciously Contradictory Messages being given to me by the Various Sources : Parents, Teachers, Other Students, the Media, Companies, and the Government. On the One Hand, allmost Every “ Voice of Authority ” in my Life - besides my Parents, who were Mute on the Subject, and this Absence of Opinion may be taken as the Source of my being able to dis-Entangle the Opinions of Others and, thereby, my Eventual Sxual Freedom - seemed to desire that I remain as Chaste as Possible, and yet being a Sxually Active TeenAge Girl appeared Xciting and Glamorous, e'Specially to me, who has a High Natural Sx Drive and was More inclined, by Nature, in this Direction than towards Chastity or Sxual Neutrality.
By the Teachers of Sx Education in my School, it was understood, if Never stated out Loud, that no Thing could be done about the Sx Drives of TeenAge Boys. These Sxualities were Simply too Powerful - Boners All the Time! - to be negated. The High School I attended ( between 2001 and 2006 ), a Thoroughly Average Canadian Place, was Full of TeenAge Boys who wanted Boobs, Asses, Blow Jobs, Pussies, Nudity, Sperm and Sx and were comfortable telling Girls so, and in Far Nastier Terms. The Burden of dealing with the Apparently non Negotiable Sx Drives of the TeenAge Boys fell, therefore, onto the TeenAge Girls the Boys pursued. By the Teachers at School, is was assumed that we Girls did not like this Sxual Attention, or at Least that we shouldn't like it. This Anti Sx Dogma was cloaked in “ Feminist ” Terms : Vocal Sxual Attention from Boys was “ Objectifying ” and “ Sxist. ” Though it was Clear Many Girls didn't Care, and liked the Attention, Teachers, in my Xperience, implied, in their “ Feminism, ” that Only those Girls who did agree that Sx Talk by Boys towards Girls was “ Objectifying ” and “ Sxist ” were Worth talking to, Evidence of a Liberal, Educated Bias in the Canadian Educational System More so than Any Thing, I think. The Way the Situation was laid out to us Girls, either Overtly or sub Consciously, by the Teachers at my School, was that us TeenAge Girls had, or should have, Much Lower Sx Drives / Much More Control over our Sx Drive ( and were also More Obedient to the Requests of the Adults ) and therefore, it was up to us to deny Boys, who were Constantly Portrayed, by Teachers and the Media as un Yielding in their Desperate Quest for Sx. Boys will push, and Girls should resist. This was the Message of my Liberal, Canadian, Public Education in Sx.
How Safe Sx Works?
To Drive this Point Further, if they did not think we Simply agreed by Default, that we, as TeenAge Girls, do not want to have Sx, and if we did, we want it to be Chaste to Sxually Neutral like in Twilight, with Romance and Love and Eons of Fore Play and Scented Candles ( though based in Deed, on a True Set of Desires or Lack thereof among the Feminine Gender ), the Teachers would then inform us Girls of the Misfortunes that Sxual Activity could incur upon us should we should give in to our Urges. Un Wanted Pregnancy, STI's, Rape, an Ugly List. This Information was given as if the Sx Educators wanted us to have an Arsenal of Facts with which to deny the TeenAged Boys, who their Selves might ignore Any Evil in their Compulsive Search for Sx.
Even now that “ having Sx before Marriage ” was not a Stamp of disHonor, Even now that Sxual Aggression by Boys was called “ Sexism ” and “ Objectification, ” the Easy and Moralizing Feminine Sxual Categorizations - Whore / Madonna - remained. The Underlying Message of my Public Sx Education was that Girls who wanted Sx and Actively chased it down were Sluts doomed to Poverty, Illness and Neglect, while Girls who turned down Sx or Only had Sx after a Long “ Relationship ” with a Suitable Partner ( and still didn't Really want it, but wanted Love instead, and Okay, if it would give her Love and he was a Really Good Guy and proved his love and they used a Condom, etc. ) were “ Good Girls, ” Respectable Girls who would have Quality Live with Promising Careers and Positive Relationships with Men. The Progression of Sxual Activity, whether in a Long Term Relationship or in the Moment, was Consistently presented as a Bartering Process that would occur between the TeenAge Girl and the TeenAge Boy, with More or Less Violence xcercised by the Young Man depending on the Length of the Relationship. Boys will persist, Girls should resist. The Girl was allways presented as either the Gate-Keeper of her Chastity and Reputation, or the Victim of Sxual Harassment / Rape.
Yet, at the Same Time, I xperienced among my Friends, those People who were my Age, an Equal Degree of Pressure to have Sx coming from the Girls as from the Boys. I remember this so Vividly because it confused me, the disCord between the Archetypes I was being fed by the Teachers and the Xperiences I was having with Kids in my Life. I felt Sympathy for the Boys, who were Sensitive and Loving and Frightened, whose Culture had pegged them as Mindless, Heartless Potential Rapists acting under the unWavering Command of their Genitals. It seemed Very Obvious to me that my Teachers, with their Boys will persist, Girls should resist Message, were out of Touch with the Times, or with Reality, and this was to the Detriment of not Only their Call to Safe Sx, but to my Respect for them in General. Why should I listen to Any Thing these Teachers tell me if they are so Wrong about the Sxual Habits of my Self and my Friends? I wondered.
Yet, at the Same Time, I xperienced among my Friends, those People who were my Age, an Equal Degree of Pressure to have Sx coming from the Girls as from the Boys. I remember this so Vividly because it confused me, the disCord between the Archetypes I was being fed by the Teachers and the Xperiences I was having with Kids in my Life. I felt Sympathy for the Boys, who were Sensitive and Loving and Frightened, whose Culture had pegged them as Mindless, Heartless Potential Rapists acting under the unWavering Command of their Genitals. It seemed Very Obvious to me that my Teachers, with their Boys will persist, Girls should resist Message, were out of Touch with the Times, or with Reality, and this was to the Detriment of not Only their Call to Safe Sx, but to my Respect for them in General. Why should I listen to Any Thing these Teachers tell me if they are so Wrong about the Sxual Habits of my Self and my Friends? I wondered.
Sxe / not Sxe / just Plain Relatable?
For All the Pressure, from Teachers within the School System, from the Government, from Churches, from Other Parents, from the Media - again, my Parents were Mute on the Subject, and I, for my Part, was Terrified of talking to them about my Sxual Awakenings, besides my Feelings that School was off on the Whole Thing - on me as a Girl to stay Chaste, or at Least as Chaste as Possible within the Purview of a Sxually Neutral Relationship,
1) the Media was Full of Images of Sxualized TeenAge Girls & / Grown Ladies pretending to be Sxualized TeenAge Girls, and these Media were directed, not Necessarily at these Girls’ Fellow TeenAge Boys, but at Older Men, the Same Male Demographic that implemented the Social Policies that told Other People to tell me as a TeenAge Girl not to have Sx.
2) TeenAge Girls who had Sx, who flaunted Sx, were Wildly Popular among Boys at the School and in the Media, even when those Same Boys and Same Medias referred to the Girls they presented in a Sxual Manner in Derogatory Terms, Such as " Slut, " " Bitch " or " Whore. " The General im'Pression gathered by me when coming into Contact with this Material was that Sluts were Desirable to Men so Long as Once those Men fell in love with the Slut and her Sluttiness, she was Slutty with no One but him. If you cheated on a Man, or left him, you got called Hurtful Names. So this was a Form of Control : Perform for no One but me. Meanwhile, Girls who were Openly Sxual with Men were looked down on by Every One but the Men they performed for, ensuring their Dependence on and en'Trapment by the Man.
What had created this Strange Stew of Traps?
And how should I, as a TeenAge Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive, who wanted Sx with Multiple Men, not Necessarily within the Frame Work of a Long Term Relationship, behave so as to avoid them?
And how should I, as a TeenAge Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive, who wanted Sx with Multiple Men, not Necessarily within the Frame Work of a Long Term Relationship, behave so as to avoid them?
Let's call Both the Assumption by Sx Educators that TeenAge Girls don't want to have Sx ( or if they do they want it to be after an Xtended Courtship ), either because Sx Educators believe this is True or in Order to make it True, along with Acts of Punishment, either Verbal or Physical, for Acts of Sxual Will Power by TeenAge Girls by Others in thier Life, Sxual repression.
I'm going guess that a Major Source of the Sxual Repression of TeenAge Girls by Adults is Breeding Control. This is Clear : being a TeenAge Mother, in this Day and Age, perhaps More so than Any Other, is Difficult. Far More Difficult than being a TeenAge Father. The Father can escape, run away from his Responsibilities, and this Potential Reality is aLways Present in Warnings against TeenAge Pregnancy - you might have to do it a'Lone. In repressing the Sxualities of TeenAge Girls, Adults believe they are preventing un Wanted Children and this Aim seems to them Righteous. Perhaps it is. It Certainly is within the Modern Information Economy, where “ Flourishing, ” to say no Thing of Survival, requires an Advanced Education and Apprenticeship Process that goes on into the Early Thirties is made More Strenuous if One also has a Child to care for. Where Once Girls as Young as Nine have been sold into Marriages with Men in their Fifties with Cause for Celebration among the Family Members, now, in the Western Civilized World, it is seen as Desirable to maintain, if not the Chastity out Right, then at Least the Sxual Neutrality of Young Ladies up until their Twenties or Further, so that they Might Focus on School and Career, and this is called Feminism. It is not Necessarily the Aim of Sxual repression that is Wrong here, but the Approach, the Sxual repression its Self. There is a Parallel between the Christian Will for Virginity among its Young until Marriage and the Desire for Sxual Neutrality in its Girls by the Secular, Liberal and “ Feminist ” Communities. Sxual Neutrality in TeenAge Girls means having Sx, Sure, but not being into Sx. Absolutely Shocking to Many Feminists, Liberals, etc, is the Idea that a Girl would base her Identity Entirely around Sx. A TeenAge Girl can have Sx, this is Okay to the Liberal, the “ Feminist, ” etc, but it should not be Obvious All the Time that she is having Sx, and this Requirement - that Any Sx a Girl has be kept Quiet - is encourage past TeenAge-hood, Past a Career Apprenticeship and into Marriage by Secular, Liberal, “ Feminist,” Christian, and Conservative Communities - so, Pretty Much Every Body in Canada.
Because our Culture calls for Sxual Neutrality from Girls More Often than it does from Boys, it is Sxist, to say no Thing of the Evils of Sxual repression in and of its Self.
It is not considered “ Appropriate, ” in Any Common Modern Canadian Community, upon having Sx for the First Time or having your Sx Rightfully Acknowledged by the Community through Marriage, to begin dancing about in Public in the Nude or Nearly Nude, making Sxually Graphic References, having Sx in Public, or talking, un Self Consciously about the Details of your Sx Life with People you do not know. It is Widely assumed that People, “ just don’t want to hear it ” - un Less it's in the Media, of Course. A “ Professional ” Modern Environment is One stripped of All Reference to the Sx its Members may or may not be having. Any Lady making Sx her Profession, and the Dov Charneys and Silvio Berlusconi of the World, are considered unCouth by the Canadian Masses.
We are a Society a'Fraid of Sx.
But, even More Specifically, we are a Society a'Fraid of TeenAge Girls having Sx. It is Frequently assumed by People that what ever Sx a Young Girls is having is out of her Control and that this - the TeenAge Girl's “ Inate ” Sxual Vulnerability, justifies preventing her from having Sx or xpressing her Sxuality Openly. Besides the Obvious Fear of un Wanted Pregnancy, we fear the TeenAge Girl will be manipulated by those who would have Sx with her. We fear the TeenAge Girl is going to sell her Sx for Money if she gets hooked on having it too Soon. We are a'Fraid that the TeenAged Girl who is Clearly having Sx is a Bad Person, un Able to maintain her “ Reputation, ” un Able to create a Personality beyond her Sxuality. We are a'Fraid she is tarnishing her Self / us. But, unless she is resisting it, is All Sx had by the Teen-Aged Girl out of her Control? Is it Really Only the Man or the Boy who has to gain by the TeenAge Girl's Donation of her Sxuality? Is the Willful Donation of her Sxuality - for Money or Fame or n'either or Some Thing Else - by the TeenAge Girl, Necessarily Wrong, if we imagine these Acts Performed without Lewd Stage Managers or Deceptive TeenAged Boys? Is a TeenAge Girl who has Lots of Sx, and Willfully, a “ Bad ” Person, doomed to a Life of dis Respect Simply by Default of being Sxually Hungry?
For All the Negativity heaped onto the TeenAge Girl who has Sx, implying either that she is being used by Men or that she is an Evil Slut with no Morals, Images of TeenAge Girls having Sx and this being Desirable, bestowing of Great Privilege, even, are Everywhere. Or, More Specifically, Every where in Media, and, Notably, Intriguingly, in Art ( I would like to write an Addition to this Piece on the Relationship between the Slutty TeenAge Girl and Philosophy ). For All our Fear of Sx, we still want it, un Controllably, and Many of us want it with the TeenAge Girl. She is fetishized and idolized above All Others in her Very Culturally reinForced Sxual Naivete. We want Most what we are not supposed to have.
In Media, the Sxual Desires of the Public are laid Bare. Still, in the Era of the InterNet, Most Pornography is geared towards Men. It is inTeresting to compare this Male Dominated Industry ( Consumer Pornography ) with an Other - High Art. There is an ArcheType of the Desirable Feminine which arises in the Realms of High Art as Well as in the Basest Porn, that pops up again and again, in All Forms of Media, Laden with an Aura of the Dangerous Capture, the Mysterious un kNowable, the Adorable, and the Intellectual. This Particularl Feminine ArcheType, in its Volatility, its Nubility and its Innocence, is offered as an Apex of what is Desirable to Men in a Lady Lover / Muse.
Bebe Zeva, On-Line Lit / Fashion Muse ( Hipster Run off, Tao Lin ), Seven'Teen
Cory Kennedy, On-Line Fashion Photography Muse ( Cobra Snake ), Seven'Teen
It is sold to Men as an Opportunity for Sxual Adventure, Danger, Power and Vulnerability. It is sold to Ladies as the Ideal of “ Fashion ”- that Watered down World where repressed Feminine Sxuality goes to find its inSpiration. And it is the TeenAge Girl.
What makes the TeenAge Girl so Sxually Desirable? So Sxually Desirable that her Image is offered up again and again for Emulation for Ladies Far beyond her Age and Xperience, should they want to seem Sxe and Cool and Fun?
Lana Del Rey has made a Career out her Lolita Look. Many of the Lyrics on her First ( and Far Superior ) Album, Lizzie Grant aka Lana Del Rey flirt with a Freudian Pedophilia.
In the Early '90's, Liz Phair became an Indie Darling Largely on the Basis of her Precociously Promiscuous Lyrical Content
Marie Calloway, Twenty One, came to the Attention of the Literary Establishment after she published a Shot Story about sleeping with a Man Twice her Age. This Story was published by Tao Lin, who him Self wrote a Novel about a University Student beginning a Sxual Relationship with a TeenAged Girl.
My Debut Novel, S.i/S: will Probably get Mad Famous because of the Early Chapters dealing with TeenAge Promiscuity
Why are Grown Ladies taught to emulate the TeenAge Girl in her Mannerisms and Follies if they want to be Sxe, but the TeenAge Girl is not taught to emulate Older Ladies in Sxual Accomplishment? Rather to offer her Self to Male Consumption for his Pleasure, or to stay Chaste and affect Sxe Chastity, or to affect Sxually Neutrality so Others don't think her Slutty?
We live in a Culture were Feminine Sxuality is compromised the Minute it flourishes, made to see its Self as in Constant Threat from Moral Judgment on One Side and the Hairy Eye Ball of Men on the Other. If a Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive chooses to be Sxually Neutral or Chaste in Order to be respected, she is repressing her Self. But, if she becomes Sxually Available, as her Hormones tell her to be, she is harassed for it or taken Advantage of. We can see why Many a Thoughtful Girl would choose Chastity or Sxual Neutrality over Sluttiness - there are Less Risks. But what about those, like me, who's Sx Drives are Simply too Strong to
be ignored? ( I am Lucky that I was born into a Supportive Environment.
There are Many Parents who would disOwn a Girl for the Kind of Sxual
Stunts I have pulled over the Years ). Or, think think of what happens when, after Years and Years of Sxual repression begun in Adolescence a Lady comes to find her Self as her Self, Sxually, at Thirty, Forty, Fifty, maybe, as Many a Man does, what does she realize in looking about her Culture? That Men still idolize and fetishize, in their Lives as in thier Arts and Medias, the Innocent, Sxually Naive, Emotionally and Xperientially im'Mature TeenAge Girl.
Dakota Fanning, Marc Jacobs Ad - is this Ad for Girls or Grown Ladies?
This is a Shame and a Waste and it is, I think, a Contributing Factor to the Prevalence of Air Headedness among Ladies who could do Better- were they given Reason to!
" Okay, now, make a Face like you don't know what's going on in the World "
Why do Men find TeenAge Girls, or Grown Ladies pretending to be ( as im'Pressionable as ) TeenAge Girls, so Attractive? Attractive to the Point where the Fetishization of the Young and Capricious TeenAge Girl is a Hall Mark of Critically Acclaimed Art as Well as of Pornography? While the Mature Anna Karenina is punished for her Act of Sxual Will Power with Ostracism, depression, and Finally, Death, the Innocent TeenAge Natasha of War and Peace is blessed with a Family, a Man who loves her and Respect as a Mother. While the Ladies in “ Barely Legal ” Porn Spreads after Often, Obviously, in their Twenties, why are they still so Popular? Why is TeenAge Naivete One of the Most Popular Attitudes for a Man to covet and a Grown Lady to emulate?
Here, to me, is the Crux of the Fetishization of the TeenAge Girl in Art and in Media. On the One Hand it is Biological - Men are attracted to that which is Fertile, and the TeenAge Girl is Fertile. But, this is not the Only Aspect of Men's Attraction to the TeenAge Girl, and it is Certainly not the Most inTeresting. A Quality the TeenAge Girl offers the Old Man, One which he is Far Less Likely to get in Ladies in their Twenties and Thirties ( who are also Fertile ), is Control over the Girl. Power over the Girl. The TeenAged Girl is not yet an Adult. She does not yet have Life that is her Own. All the Easier, then, for a Man to make him her Life. Also, with the TeenAged Girls, the Man might feel Better able to xpress his Vulnerabilities : he feels Less Likely to be Judged. The TeenAge Girl, for All her Ladylike Willfulness and Moodiness, is Small and Ignorant of the World, offering the Man a Vessel for his repressed Tenderness. She can be a Child and a Lover. I have read enough Classic Novels to know it was Common Practice in Europe for a Wealthy Man to adopt a Girl Child for the Purpose of raising her as his Mistress.
The TeenAge Girl's Wills and Moods are More Containable than a Grown Lady's. Charming even, when you think that the Wills and Moods of Grown Ladies, e'Specially Grown Ladies who have not been taught to repress their Sxualites, can be Terrifying Forces of Nature. My Lovers ought to know. It is Easier for a Man to get a TeenAge Girl to do as he pleases. It is Easier for the Emotionally im'Mature Man to Deal with a TeenAge Girl in her in Complete Self ( see Tao Lin's Richard Yates ). But also, as has been our Storicaly seen, if a Man plucks ( and that is what he is doing, he is plucking ) a TeenAge Girl at her Most imPressionable Age, to be his Lover, it is All the Easier for him to set in the Girl his Values and to make her Economically Dependent on him, and thereby, in Capable of standing up to him with her Own Rights and Opinions, or preventing him from doing Many Other Things he would like to do, Such as take Other TeenAge Lovers. Under a System Such as this, a Patriarchal System, Virginity is im'Portant. A de-Flowered Girl is Damaged Goods because she is Less im'Pressionable. And if a Girl in a Marriage based in Male Control were to have Desires to Sxual Variety her Self? - Ho Ho! A Beating or Death awaits her. So, the Man is the Big Man, King Lion, orchestrating over his Pride with Complete Control, but still aloud to cry to his Mistress when he wants, and this is a Very Appealing Position for a Man to be in like High on Cocaine is an Appealing Position to be in. Men, over the Centuries, have become Addicted to their Power and Control over Ladies and so Ladies have languished, Sxually and Intellectually, in the Prisons of Prostitution / Marriage, Whore / Madonna.
The TeenAge Girl's Wills and Moods are More Containable than a Grown Lady's. Charming even, when you think that the Wills and Moods of Grown Ladies, e'Specially Grown Ladies who have not been taught to repress their Sxualites, can be Terrifying Forces of Nature. My Lovers ought to know. It is Easier for a Man to get a TeenAge Girl to do as he pleases. It is Easier for the Emotionally im'Mature Man to Deal with a TeenAge Girl in her in Complete Self ( see Tao Lin's Richard Yates ). But also, as has been our Storicaly seen, if a Man plucks ( and that is what he is doing, he is plucking ) a TeenAge Girl at her Most imPressionable Age, to be his Lover, it is All the Easier for him to set in the Girl his Values and to make her Economically Dependent on him, and thereby, in Capable of standing up to him with her Own Rights and Opinions, or preventing him from doing Many Other Things he would like to do, Such as take Other TeenAge Lovers. Under a System Such as this, a Patriarchal System, Virginity is im'Portant. A de-Flowered Girl is Damaged Goods because she is Less im'Pressionable. And if a Girl in a Marriage based in Male Control were to have Desires to Sxual Variety her Self? - Ho Ho! A Beating or Death awaits her. So, the Man is the Big Man, King Lion, orchestrating over his Pride with Complete Control, but still aloud to cry to his Mistress when he wants, and this is a Very Appealing Position for a Man to be in like High on Cocaine is an Appealing Position to be in. Men, over the Centuries, have become Addicted to their Power and Control over Ladies and so Ladies have languished, Sxually and Intellectually, in the Prisons of Prostitution / Marriage, Whore / Madonna.
The Wife has Long been a Symbolic Object for the Mantle.
If the Grown Lady wants to make her Self Desirable, even in this Day and Age, when Economic Freedom is Granted, though Begrudgingly, it seems she must make her Self an Object for the Mantle : Empty of Xperience, Proof, Only, of an Other's Accomplishments.
If the Grown Lady wants to make her Self Desirable, even in this Day and Age, when Economic Freedom is Granted, though Begrudgingly, it seems she must make her Self an Object for the Mantle : Empty of Xperience, Proof, Only, of an Other's Accomplishments.
Rich Men don't want Ladies with Personalities, we are told. They want Ladies who look Good and act Right. And “ look Good ” and “ act Right ” these Days, means “ look Young ” and “ act Young / Submissive.” What is Youth if not Emptiness?
My Self a TeenAged Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive, a Slutty TeenAge Girl, I was not aware, in Such Specific Terms, of the Social Forces tugging at me - from the Adults who would protect me on One Side and the Boys / Men who would fuck me on the Other - but I was aware of the Double Standard of Sxuality enforced for Boys and for Girls, and angered by it. Here the Promiscuous Boy was a Lady's Man and the Promiscuous Girl was a Whore? Here Boys objectified me - they turned me into a Sxual Object ( even if Adults discouraged them, they did it in a Way that had, Detrimentally to their Message, the Ring of yet an Other call to Chastity ) - and yet I was not permitted to objectify my Self in my Own Body? I was not permitted to turn my Self into a Sxual Creature, or I was warned Severely against it. For Xample, as a TeenAger, I was Repeatedly warned by School Teachers about my Revealing Clothing. I reacted to this Pressure to dress a Certain ( aSxual ) Way as Any anti-Authoritarian TeenAger who also Desperately wanted to get laid would react : I went Sluttier.
This Choice could have gone in Any Number of Stereotypically Awful Directions, and it did : I was used, abused, imposed upon, raped, fucked and tossed way. I was degraded, mocked and vilified. But I was Free. Men and Boys were not Nice to me for giving them what I assumed they wanted : Sx, Lots of Sx, and without Hard Commitment - Often they avoided me afterwards, or treated me like a Sx Toy and not a Person. But I was Free. I was in Pain, but I was Free. Had I taken the Words of those who wanted to protect me Seriously, had I pushed my Sxuality to the Bottom of my Gut and forgotten it there, had I reacted with Offense to the Come ons of Boys instead of encouraging them, like I was taught to, I would have been “ Good, ” yes, but I would have been Good on Some One Else's Terms. The Protective Teachers, though they may not have wanted to have Sx with me, wanted me to treat my Sxuality in a Particular Way, a Quiet Way, and that just isn't my Style.
In my Adolescence, I did a Great Many Things that I would not have done had I accepted the Paradigms of Sxe Chastity or Sxual Neutrality. Even if my Idea of what my Sxuality should be, as a Slut, was based on the Desires Boys and of the Media, it was I who made the Decision what to do and what not to do and it was I who decided after if the Act was a Good Act, to be repeated, or a Bad Act, to be avoided. And this made me, even in my Most Degraded Moments, Moments when I felt the String of the Vilification of the Slut, Proud of my Self and my Actions.
The Early Chapters of my Novel, S.i/S:, which deals with polyAmorous TeenAged Relationships, will get a Lot of Attention, I think, for All the Reasons I have described above - that the Sxuality of the TeenAge Girl is at Once the Most Problematized and the Most Fetishized Sxuality in our Culture : it gets the Most Attention - Negative and Positive. The Early Chapters of S.i/S: which chronicles the TeenAge Sxual Adventures of the Book’s Protagonist, my Alter Ego, Hap'e Blue, include Scenes of Anal Sx, Three Ways, Orgies, poly Amory, biSxuality, Sx with Older Men, Sx while on Drugs, Rape, and Plenty of Other Forms of Physical and Emotional Abuse, perpetrated by Both against Hap'e Blue and by her.
The First Reaction Adults have, I have found, to the Knowledge of a TeenAge Girl acting Sluttily, is to crack down. Separate and Punish. Fill the Girl's Time. Their Second Reaction, I have found, is to blame the Media. From here come All the Images of Sxualized TeenAge Girls, so here we must place our Anger. Were Girls Ignorant of these Acts, they would not behave in those Ways. So the Myth goes. So my Book will Likely be accused, in Some Circles, of corrupting the Young.
Though the Early Chapters of S.i/S: are based on my Personal Xperiences with Promiscuity as a TeenAger, I will not say how Much of the Material as it is written in the Book happened to me Personally. I will say, however, that my Motivations in xperiencing the Amount and Variety of Sxual Activity I did as a TeenAger were the Same as Hap'e Blue’s. I wanted to know what Different Sorts of Sx with Different Sorts of People was like, and so I performed those Acts with those People. From this I can say that Both Usual Reactions by Adults to Knowledge of Promiscuous Activities by TeenAge Girls miss the Point. Hap'e Blue’s and my Promiscuity, though influenced by the Media, comes from no-One but our Selves. It was I who wished to xperience what I did, and so it was I who sought out and achieved these Goals. To punish the Natural Instinct to Physical Love is to leave a Permanent Scar on the Authentic Sxuality of the TeenAge Girl. It is to make her feel as if her Sxuality, as it grows Naturally in her, is Somehow “ Bad ” - but beyond the Possibility of Disease or un Planned Pregnancy, is it Really? Is it not Love? Does the Stigma around the Sxuality of the TeenAge Girl have More to do with Men's Desire for Control over Ladies than Any Consequence that might occur if Men gave up this Need for Control? Do the Negative Consequences of Behaving in a Promiscuous Manner, as a TeenAge Girl, have More to do with People's Perceptions of those Actions than of the Actions theirSelves? I would argue, from my Xperience, that this is in Deed the Case.
In this Day and Age, with the TeenAge Girl xposed to so Much Evidence as to the Potential Benefits of xploring her Sxuality, the Act of Punishment for these Activities by an Adult could lead, as it did, in my Case, to the Teen-Aged Girl's forever loosing Trust and Respect for that Adult. Un-Like what is assumed by Many of those who would protect Slutty TeenAge Girls from their Selves, Ignorance of Sxuality does not create the Sxually Neutral or Chaste Child. Even though I was Later to become a Slut, I didn’t know what Sx was until I was Twelve. Though, by Seven'Teen, I had tried Most Varieties of Sx I knew of ( Vaginal, Anal, Oral, heteroSxual, homoSxual, biSxual, Orgiastic, etc. ), I didn’t look at on-Line Pornographic Films until that Same Year. When, as a TeenAger, Various Sxual Situations presented their Selves for me to participate in, I dove in Willingly and Ignorantly. What strikes me as Quite un-Usual is that Despite a Wide Variety of Sxual Xperiences, I didn’t masturbate to Orgasm until I was Twenty, and even then, it took me a Few Xtra Years to figure it out. My Sxuality has been, in my Life, so Focused on Men - their Bodies, their Attentions, their Love - that Self Pleasuring held Little Early Appeal.
For this Reason, the Seemingly inGrained, pre Conscious Nature of my Sxual Tastes, and Many homo-Sxuals will agree, I'm Sure, I believe our Sxualities are Born with us. I was born a Slut. Xternal Forces do naught but shape that which is al-Ready Present as Authentic Desire. I was Lucky that my Parents did Little to stop me from Xploring my Sxuality the Way I wanted ( Privately and Abundantly ). Had I been forced to choose between the Love of my Parents and the Sx I was having, I Probably would have gone with the Sx, and that would have resulted in me taking to Prostitution in no Time.
My Greatest Critique of my Parents, the Media, and my School Teachers, besides the Former Two relying on Limiting and Sxist Stereotypes, is that they did not give me ENOUGH Information. Had I Better understood what I was getting my Self into, wanting to try Sx of Various Kinds with Various People, I could have avoided Much of the Pain I xperienced. I was going to do it Any Way, but I could have been Better Prepared than I was. I would have appreciated knowing how to masturbate. What Little Education I did get was but a Drop in the Bucket of Sxual Xperience : knowing how to put on a Condom just doesn't cut it when you're navigating Tangled Emotions post-Three Way. Because we had not have the Language with which to discuss the Acts we involved our Selves in, my Self and the Kids I did these Acts with did not talk about the Acts after we perfromed them, and from here Sprang Most of our Issues : we were in Denial.
So swallow your Fears and instead of hoping imPositions to Sxual Chastity or Neutrality in Teen-Aged Girls will work, accept that TeenAgers want Sx and allow them to have it, with All the Information Such a Responsibility requires.
The First and Most im'Portant Lesson I would give a TeenAge Girl interested in Sluttiness is STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, and that does'ot mean just in turning down Sx, but in asking for Sx of a Particular Kind, as Well as defending your Honor post Sx to Both Adults and Other TeenAgers. Take the Shame they are trying to pin on you, throw it in the Dirt, and stomp on it.
I think resisting and rejecting Shaming Techniques is im'Portant because, as a TeenAger in the Early 21st Century, living in a Liberal Culture, my Genuine Belief, as transmitted to me by that Culture, was that the Sxual Desires of Boys were Somehow More Real and More Valid than the Sxual Desires of Girls. My Culture taught me how to say no and how to use a Condom, but it did not teach me how to say yes, to be Sxually Adventurous and Willful and Proud and respected for my Sxuality. I had to learn how to do that my Self. As a Girl who didn’t want a Monogamous, Sxually Neutral Relationship that would crawl a'long at a Snail Pace, I was made to feel that I was Evil. I rejected this Label out of a Sense that the inTensity and Variety of my Sxual Desires were not un Usual or Cause for dis-Grace among Boys and therefore, should not be for me as a Girl. Naturally, this is where Things went Badly : because Girls and Boys were not held to the Same Sxual Standards, because Girls who had a Lot of Sx were “ Sluts ” and this had a Negative Connotation and Boys who had Lots of Sx were “ Studs ” and this had a Positive Connotation, even though my Willing to Sxual Variety was what Many Guys said they wanted from Girls and their Selves were rewarded for Socially and Sxually, I felt vilified.
From the Assumption, by Others, of my a'Morality came my Suffering. To avoid dis Respect form Guys, which I did not Think I deserved, I set up a Kind of Precarious Pattern of Behavior, Somewhat like a Backwards Sxe Chastity. Let's call it Passive Sluttery. My Tactic to get Love and Respect, in Sluttiness, without a Paradigm for a Positive TeenAge Sxual Promiscuity for Girls, was to feign like I didn't Really have Sxual Needs - More that I was Passively letting my Self fall into the Wills of Men who has a Similar Variety of Desires to my Self. The Way to feign Sxual Passivity ( respectable to Guys ) while Still getting Laid by who I wanted, I figured, was to give Guys what they wanted, how they wanted, without Argument. I had been led to believe that Love and Respect were the Rewards Only of the Sxually Passive Girl, the Chaste Girl, the Sxually Neutral Girl, and so I feigned that I was her, even in having Sx, by keeping my Mouth Shut to the Things that were being done to me. I let mySelf be fucked, feigning Passivity, trying to find in that Approach the Two Things I thought Sx should give me and this Kind of Self Negation would provide, whereas taking Lots of Sx from Men Willfully, as I was in Deed doing, if in a Back Handed Way, would rob me of : Love and Respect.
Of course I did not find Love or Respect for my Actions. My Behavior was a Perversion, but you can see how it made Sense to Act in this Way to a Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive raised to believe in the Sxual Attractiveness of Passive, Chaste Girls. I let my Self be used. You can see how this State of Affairs would lead to Psychological dis-Turbance, to de-Pression and Mania, an Xcessive and Obsessive Attachment to Male Sxual Attention as a re Placement for Love and Respect, and thereby, to Self Negation and Self Harm. My in Ability to re concile the Respect for the Sxually Neutral or Chaste Girl I wasn't and the dis Respect for the Slut I was created in me the biPolar NymphoManiac. Without the Whore / Madonna Complx being imposed on me, I might have been let off as Adventurous and Passionate. But, as we All have been led to believe would happen to a biPolar NymphoManiac, I was rejected by Men for Both the inTensity of my Desires and my Emotions and the Sxual Promiscuity I attempted and failed to hide. In Fearing Open Sluttery, I became Deceitful, hiding Secondary and Terciary Relationships from More Official Boy Friends. Of Course People thought me Evil when they found out what I was up to! But Men did not stop having Sx with me because they knew I was a Slut. I felt the Abandonment, the post Coital Rejection, the Lack of Respect, the Mockery they felt for me, even when having Sx with me, and Meawhile, thinking Passivity would make me Sxe, I said and did no Thing about the Cruelty I was subjected to while being Cruel to Other Men in Return. There was no Respect for who I Really was in my Culture and so I was made Worthless, First in the Eyes of Boys who fucked me, then in my Own Eyes.
My Reaction to this Painful Scorn from my Culture for who I was as a TeenAger was to go just as Far the Other Direction as an Adult - at Eigh'Teen I began my First Totally Monogamous Relationship, which aspired to Marriage. Here, I thought, like Many Girls before me must have thought, is a Safe and Acceptable Capsule for my Sx Drive. Only when that failed, in no Small Part due to my Continued Promiscuity, did I begin the Journey of trying to find a Balance between Vilified Sluttery and Socially Acceptable Monogamy or Sxual Neutrality, Often and still oscillating between the Two, as I see Many Young Ladies do these Days. This is called, in acknowledging the “ Short Term ” Monogamous Relationships it creates : Serial Monogamy.
I am Twenty Three now, and I can see the Sources of my Actions as a Teen - my Attempt, in Face of my High Sx Drive, to live up to an imPossible Paradox of Sxuality : that of being Sxe and Sxless at Once. And I can see that People's Acceptance of this Paradox created the Stigma that hurt me Most. Without Judgement coming from Others, Boys and Girls, Teens and Adults, those who perpetuated the Myth that Sluts were Bad, my Actions would have been able to go on in a Far Lighter Manner. I wouldn't have had to “ cheat ” on Any One.
What I can also see, and what redeems All my Xperiences for me, is the Foundation of a Superior Paradigm than the One I was brought up under for the Sxualities of TeenAge Girls. What is so im'Portant about my Story and the Story of Hap'e Blue, which reflects mine, is not that she or I are Sluts, but that we chose to be Sluts despite Tremendous Social Pressure to do Other Wise. This makes Hap'e Blue perhaps the Only Literary Heroine in her Story who has made this Choice and defended it. For the First Time the Whore, and not the Madonna - Most of the Lady Protagonists of Literature are Wives, not Whores - is telling her Tale. Finally, she is not the Prop of a Male Fantasy, nor vilified for her Actions, but an Adventure unto her Self, and in that, she makes Righteous her Actions and mine.
The Outrageous Sx in S.i/S: is not meant to titillate, though it will. It is meant to inform. It xists to say, “ These are the Things that TeenAge Girls do, and do Willingly. ” We have seen the TeenAged Girl acting Promiscuously, yes, we have seen it a Million Times, but we have allways seen that Promiscuity as to the Benefit of Some One Other than the TeenAge Girl her Self. The TeenAged Girl, in Art, has been portrayed through the Eyes of the Male for the Sake of the Male. In Hap'e Blue, my Heroine, Feminine TeenAge Sxual Promiscuity is Finally portrayed through the Eyes of the Girl who xperienced it, for her Own Sake, for Good or Bad, and from this it becomes Evident that the Pain she is suffers is not so Much because she is Promiscuous, but because Others have deigned so Hard to make her Promiscuity look Bad. Hap'e Blue is the Victim not of her Desires, but of Other People's Perception of her Desires. Her TeenAge Self Loathing is not Genuine Self Loathing, but the Self Loathing of a Girl who has been told to hate her Self for who and what she is.
To see a Tale of Sxual Promiscuity through the Eyes of the Girl who lived it affirms her Actions and takes them out of the Hands of the Men and Boys who were suspected of manipulating and using her. It puts her Actions back under her Power for her Sake. Long has it been that the TeenAge Girl’s Sxuality has been wrenched from her - by her Parents, by her Partners - and she has been told that this is either for her Own Good or for Some One else’s. In either Case, the Girl’s Sxuality goes into the Hands of Men who would play with her, often just to be done with her after, like a Toy, or they repress her, that their Honor remain intact. They do not have to feel Bad about this, for she is just a Slut, just a Girl. She is passed like Currency and treated like an Animal. Men determine the Boundaries within which she is to behave, they determine what she is to like or dislike, do or don’t do, tell or not tell, and to their Own Advantage Primarily, for their Own Illusion of Control. Even under 21st Century Feminism, this Trend persists. As Long as Sxe Chastity, Sxual Neutrality and Monogamy are the Only Respectable Forms of Sxuality for Ladies in General and TeenAge Girls in Specific to participate in, the Slut will continue to be used by Men and her being used by Men will continue to be held as the Basis for her being dis respected - a Double Bind meant to keep Ladies and Girls in Sxual Submission : as it did to me when I was a TeenAger. I did not complain about how I was being treated, and I did not have the kNowledge of how to be an Open poly Amorous. I should have complained. I should have known Monogamy is not Possible for Every One. I should have stood up for my Self. I should have said that no-One had the Right to dis Respect me for being Libidinous. I should have demanded Respect for that Very Fact, for Sluttery is a Gift to give, and so now, with this Essay, with S.i/S:, I am taking the Opportunity.
Trust, the 1990 Film by Hal Hartley, offers a Sympathetic Portrayal of the Slutty TeenAge Girl, as embodied in the Film's Protagonist, Maria
Trust, the 1990 Film by Hal Hartley, offers a Sympathetic Portrayal of the Slutty TeenAge Girl, as embodied in the Film's Protagonist, Maria
The Slut must be liberated for the Sake of All Ladies, so they Never again have to fear Punishment for Simply Xpressing their Authentic Sxual Wants and Needs. And to free the Slut we must free her where she starts, free her in the First Days of Sxual Feeling, free her in the TeenAge Girl. The Only Way to help the TeenAge Girl, the Only Way to make Sure she grows into a Strong and Independent Lady, the Only Way to make Sure Boys and Men don't use her for Sx, is to give her Sxuality back to her to do with what she will with it, come what may. And that is done by throwing open the Doors to Sxual Diversity. Giving the TeenAge Girl her Sxuality back is done by saying, “ What ever your Desires are, Sxually, whether they are Monogamous or poly Amorous, hetero Sxual, Gay, bi Sxual or pan Sxual, into this or that or Totally grossed out by it, into Long, Steady Relationships or into a Sequence of Partners through Life, Sado / Masochistic or Vanilla, into selling your Body's Skills for Money or into saving them for Love, it is your Choice, based on your Dreams and the Only Thing I can say about that is be Kind to your Self and those you share your Body with, and carry Defense. ” All Else is an Illusion of Control that hurts Most those it was meant to protect : the TeenAge Girls.
Only with the Liberation of the Slut will Men come to understand that Ladies are not their Objects, not their Trophies, not their Due, but Beings like their Selves, Full to the Brim with Ambitions, even if those Ambitions are to Sxual Submission - I am, for Xample, am an Independant, poly Amorous, Sxually Desirous Lady who is also, when it suits her, a Sxual Submissive. Only then will the Sxually Practiced Lady be respected by her Culture for her Skills, rather than vilified, judged and criminalized for them. Only then, with the Rise of the Strong Lady, with a Sxuality to be Proud of, what ever its Form, will the Malleability of the TeenAge Girl be seen as the im'Maturity it is, rather than her Most Desirable Aspect, and the Self Determination, even in Sxual Submission, of the Grown Lady be given its Due as the Sxual Ideal.
I have written and published this Essay Previous to the Publication of S.i/S: because I have desired that mine be the First Words on the Matter of the TeenAge Sx in the Early Chapters. The Sluttery in my Book will provoke Debate, and so, like the TeenAge Girl who must be given the Right to speak her Sxual Mind and act with her Sxual Body the Way she desires, Free of Stigma, I must not let Any One put Words in my Mouth.
Andrea
As fo dhose Drugs dhey do
This anti-Drug PSA, brought to you by the Canadian Government, is an Xample of the Kind of Histrionic, Hyperbolic BULL SHIT Often used, to the Detriment of its Message, to get Teens to stay off of Ill Defined “ Drugs ”
In my Xperience, Most i'Legal Drugs will not bring out in your Life Any Problems that were not al-Ready Present. The People who tend to get hooked on “ Dangerous Drugs ” ( like whatever Anonymous Drugs the Girl in this Ad is taking ) are the People who are turning to these Substances to fill a Void created by a Lack of Love and underStanding in their World ( for the Science behind this Hypothesis, which is known to me through Relationshps with Drug People, check out In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Admirable Down Town East Side Van. City Dr., Gabor Mate ). As with All Addictions, Drugs help People Deal with what would Otherwise be in-Surmountable Issues : even while killing then, Drugs give People a Reason to live. From the John Waters Film, Cecil B. Demented : “ Once I had All Kinds of Problems. Now I Only have One Problem : Drugs. They've given my Life Real Focus. ” In Other Words : People who are Addicted to Drugs aren't suffering because they're Addicted to Drugs, per se, they're Addicted to Drugs because they're Suffering.
One of the Best Reasons for a Sane, Healthy, Self Aware Person to do Drugs is to get an Idea where the Problems their Life lie so they can Better go about fixing them. Some One once said that Mushrooms are like Dental Floss for the Brain, and I would hold this as an Accurate Simile for Most Psycho-Actives. A
Psycho-Active Drug like LSD can show you Ways in which your Perception
of the World is being skewed by Popular Social Conceptions and bring
you Closer to a metaPhysical, Religious or Archetypical Understanding
of the Universe. An Empathetic Drug like MDMA is Great for talking out Any Personal Issues you may have with a Romantic Partner. The Only Drugs I would recommend staying away from, as a Young Person, or Any One, Really, are Meth, Heroin, and Crack Cocaine ( and PCP ... lets not forget PCP ), which have Rapid Addiction Forming Qualities and Nasty Withdrawal Symptoms that Account for Much of the Addiction Factor. To be Fair, I have met a Number of Well Adjusted People who did these Drugs in their Youths and got Over them, but None of them recommends the Xperience to Others. Quite the Opposite, in Fact. More Often than not, these Drugs demand your Life. Some are willing to give their Lives. Ask your Self if you are.
Cocaine is a Slightly Different Deal. Cocaine can be a Great Drug, but Cocaine is also a Drug the Enjoyment of which can Easily spiral out of Control if you do not have Any Other Activities to motivate you in Life, or if you have un Resolved Emotional Issues. As a General Rule ( the Only Kind of Rule that is Real ), I'd say don't take Cocaine until you feel you are a Fully-Formed, Confident Adult Person with a Good Sense of your Worldly Ambitions. I say, Never do a Drug if you don't know why you are doing it. Doing Drugs is a Lot like Climbing Mountains : go in Prepared. Do Research before you do Any Drug so you know what you're in for / how to Deal with Any Problems that may arise while you are on the Drug.
Cocaine is a Slightly Different Deal. Cocaine can be a Great Drug, but Cocaine is also a Drug the Enjoyment of which can Easily spiral out of Control if you do not have Any Other Activities to motivate you in Life, or if you have un Resolved Emotional Issues. As a General Rule ( the Only Kind of Rule that is Real ), I'd say don't take Cocaine until you feel you are a Fully-Formed, Confident Adult Person with a Good Sense of your Worldly Ambitions. I say, Never do a Drug if you don't know why you are doing it. Doing Drugs is a Lot like Climbing Mountains : go in Prepared. Do Research before you do Any Drug so you know what you're in for / how to Deal with Any Problems that may arise while you are on the Drug.
Drugs are Powerful : respect them
A More Realistic, and, therefore, Perhaps More Helpful, Xample of the Kind of Personal Progression you may Xperience as a Young Person who does Drugs in a Manner that is Respectful and Responsible is this :
Andrea Coates, 14, before doing Any " Drugs "
Andrea Coates, 23, after Seven Years of on and off " Drugs Use "
I'm not saying go out and get Wasted Every Day. I'm saying, as opposed to over the Top, im Precise and misLeading, it would be Nice if Young People had Access to inFormation on Drugs that was Accurate, Balanced and Useful.
Shape up, Peeps.
Andrea
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