Lost in here is the Voice of the TeenAge Girl her Self. And no where is here is an Affirmative Voice for Sxual Activity by Girls from their Fellow Ladies, unless they happen to have an Open Minded Mother.
A Secular, or Liberal Sx Education, however, does Little Better for the Slutty TeenAge Girl. It is implied, Even in this Environment, that Chastitiy is aLways “ Right, ” and Sxual Activity is Very Often “Wrong.” While not Mistaken, these Educations place Emphasis not on the enJoyment of Sxuality as an imPortant Aspect of being aLive, but on Disease, un Wanted Pregnancy and Rape. Only a Slow and Secretive Kind of Sxuality is acceptable for the Girl raised in the Liberal or Secular Environment. This is what I call Sxual Neutrality. Sxual Neutrality is a Sxuality that grows Slowly over the Course of a Relationship. It is a Sxuality that cannot be seen.
The Sxually Neutral TeenAge Relationship
Yet, All the While the the Adults Close to her are feeding her Messages of Sxual Restraint, the TeenAge Girl, Slutty by Nature or not, is bombarded with Media Images of Sxualized TeenAge Girls that imply that offering her Body to the Male Gaze is a Good Thing to do - it will make her Popular, even Rich.
Not too Risque for American TV : Miley Cyrus
The Essence of Sxe Chastity
Twilight's "Abstinence Porn" is a Perfect Xample of Sxe Chastity for TeenAge Girls as promoted by the Media
In the Early 2000s Jessica Simpson was an Icon of Sxe Chastity, a Pop Star who promoted her Self on her Sxe Looks and her Promise to "save Sx until Marriage."
That Sxiness should end so Soon after Sx is the Tragedy of Sxe Chastity, and it reveals the Sxist Inner Core of the Paradigm. Under Sxe Chastity Only the Virginal Girl is Sxually Attractive. Grown, Sxually Active Ladies are a Kind of Sour Milk : they are Moms. The Sxe Chastity Paradigm makes Virginal Lovers Addictive, Only they are Good enough for the Self Gratifying Man, and in that, it the Paradigm of Sxe Chastity makes Life More Dangerous for the Very Girls it was meant to protect.
How to attract a Guy : be Vapid / Vulnerable
Define your Self as an Empty Vessel into which he can pour his Self.
Be Doting to the Point of Self Negation.
It seems, in our Culture, that if a Girl wants to attract a Boy, she is to pretend she had no Mind and no Will beyond that Boy if she wants to attract him.
How Safe Sx Works?
Yet, at the Same Time, I xperienced among my Friends, those People who were my Age, an Equal Degree of Pressure to have Sx coming from the Girls as from the Boys. I remember this so Vividly because it confused me, the disCord between the Archetypes I was being fed by the Teachers and the Xperiences I was having with Kids in my Life. I felt Sympathy for the Boys, who were Sensitive and Loving and Frightened, whose Culture had pegged them as Mindless, Heartless Potential Rapists acting under the unWavering Command of their Genitals. It seemed Very Obvious to me that my Teachers, with their Boys will persist, Girls should resist Message, were out of Touch with the Times, or with Reality, and this was to the Detriment of not Only their Call to Safe Sx, but to my Respect for them in General. Why should I listen to Any Thing these Teachers tell me if they are so Wrong about the Sxual Habits of my Self and my Friends? I wondered.
Sxe / not Sxe / just Plain Relatable?
And how should I, as a TeenAge Girl with a High Natural Sx Drive, who wanted Sx with Multiple Men, not Necessarily within the Frame Work of a Long Term Relationship, behave so as to avoid them?
I'm going guess that a Major Source of the Sxual Repression of TeenAge Girls by Adults is Breeding Control. This is Clear : being a TeenAge Mother, in this Day and Age, perhaps More so than Any Other, is Difficult. Far More Difficult than being a TeenAge Father. The Father can escape, run away from his Responsibilities, and this Potential Reality is aLways Present in Warnings against TeenAge Pregnancy - you might have to do it a'Lone. In repressing the Sxualities of TeenAge Girls, Adults believe they are preventing un Wanted Children and this Aim seems to them Righteous. Perhaps it is. It Certainly is within the Modern Information Economy, where “ Flourishing, ” to say no Thing of Survival, requires an Advanced Education and Apprenticeship Process that goes on into the Early Thirties is made More Strenuous if One also has a Child to care for. Where Once Girls as Young as Nine have been sold into Marriages with Men in their Fifties with Cause for Celebration among the Family Members, now, in the Western Civilized World, it is seen as Desirable to maintain, if not the Chastity out Right, then at Least the Sxual Neutrality of Young Ladies up until their Twenties or Further, so that they Might Focus on School and Career, and this is called Feminism. It is not Necessarily the Aim of Sxual repression that is Wrong here, but the Approach, the Sxual repression its Self. There is a Parallel between the Christian Will for Virginity among its Young until Marriage and the Desire for Sxual Neutrality in its Girls by the Secular, Liberal and “ Feminist ” Communities. Sxual Neutrality in TeenAge Girls means having Sx, Sure, but not being into Sx. Absolutely Shocking to Many Feminists, Liberals, etc, is the Idea that a Girl would base her Identity Entirely around Sx. A TeenAge Girl can have Sx, this is Okay to the Liberal, the “ Feminist, ” etc, but it should not be Obvious All the Time that she is having Sx, and this Requirement - that Any Sx a Girl has be kept Quiet - is encourage past TeenAge-hood, Past a Career Apprenticeship and into Marriage by Secular, Liberal, “ Feminist,” Christian, and Conservative Communities - so, Pretty Much Every Body in Canada.
It is not considered “ Appropriate, ” in Any Common Modern Canadian Community, upon having Sx for the First Time or having your Sx Rightfully Acknowledged by the Community through Marriage, to begin dancing about in Public in the Nude or Nearly Nude, making Sxually Graphic References, having Sx in Public, or talking, un Self Consciously about the Details of your Sx Life with People you do not know. It is Widely assumed that People, “ just don’t want to hear it ” - un Less it's in the Media, of Course. A “ Professional ” Modern Environment is One stripped of All Reference to the Sx its Members may or may not be having. Any Lady making Sx her Profession, and the Dov Charneys and Silvio Berlusconi of the World, are considered unCouth by the Canadian Masses.
But, even More Specifically, we are a Society a'Fraid of TeenAge Girls having Sx. It is Frequently assumed by People that what ever Sx a Young Girls is having is out of her Control and that this - the TeenAge Girl's “ Inate ” Sxual Vulnerability, justifies preventing her from having Sx or xpressing her Sxuality Openly. Besides the Obvious Fear of un Wanted Pregnancy, we fear the TeenAge Girl will be manipulated by those who would have Sx with her. We fear the TeenAge Girl is going to sell her Sx for Money if she gets hooked on having it too Soon. We are a'Fraid that the TeenAged Girl who is Clearly having Sx is a Bad Person, un Able to maintain her “ Reputation, ” un Able to create a Personality beyond her Sxuality. We are a'Fraid she is tarnishing her Self / us. But, unless she is resisting it, is All Sx had by the Teen-Aged Girl out of her Control? Is it Really Only the Man or the Boy who has to gain by the TeenAge Girl's Donation of her Sxuality? Is the Willful Donation of her Sxuality - for Money or Fame or n'either or Some Thing Else - by the TeenAge Girl, Necessarily Wrong, if we imagine these Acts Performed without Lewd Stage Managers or Deceptive TeenAged Boys? Is a TeenAge Girl who has Lots of Sx, and Willfully, a “ Bad ” Person, doomed to a Life of dis Respect Simply by Default of being Sxually Hungry?
For All the Negativity heaped onto the TeenAge Girl who has Sx, implying either that she is being used by Men or that she is an Evil Slut with no Morals, Images of TeenAge Girls having Sx and this being Desirable, bestowing of Great Privilege, even, are Everywhere. Or, More Specifically, Every where in Media, and, Notably, Intriguingly, in Art ( I would like to write an Addition to this Piece on the Relationship between the Slutty TeenAge Girl and Philosophy ). For All our Fear of Sx, we still want it, un Controllably, and Many of us want it with the TeenAge Girl. She is fetishized and idolized above All Others in her Very Culturally reinForced Sxual Naivete. We want Most what we are not supposed to have.
Bebe Zeva, On-Line Lit / Fashion Muse ( Hipster Run off, Tao Lin ), Seven'Teen
Cory Kennedy, On-Line Fashion Photography Muse ( Cobra Snake ), Seven'Teen
In the Early '90's, Liz Phair became an Indie Darling Largely on the Basis of her Precociously Promiscuous Lyrical Content
Marie Calloway, Twenty One, came to the Attention of the Literary Establishment after she published a Shot Story about sleeping with a Man Twice her Age. This Story was published by Tao Lin, who him Self wrote a Novel about a University Student beginning a Sxual Relationship with a TeenAged Girl.
My Debut Novel, S.i/S: will Probably get Mad Famous because of the Early Chapters dealing with TeenAge Promiscuity
Why are Grown Ladies taught to emulate the TeenAge Girl in her Mannerisms and Follies if they want to be Sxe, but the TeenAge Girl is not taught to emulate Older Ladies in Sxual Accomplishment? Rather to offer her Self to Male Consumption for his Pleasure, or to stay Chaste and affect Sxe Chastity, or to affect Sxually Neutrality so Others don't think her Slutty?
Dakota Fanning, Marc Jacobs Ad - is this Ad for Girls or Grown Ladies?
This is a Shame and a Waste and it is, I think, a Contributing Factor to the Prevalence of Air Headedness among Ladies who could do Better- were they given Reason to!
"Okay, now, make a Face like you don't know what's going on in the World"
The TeenAge Girl's Wills and Moods are More Containable than a Grown Lady's. Charming even, when you think that the Wills and Moods of Grown Ladies, e'Specially Grown Ladies who have not been taught to repress their Sxualites, can be Terrifying Forces of Nature. My Lovers ought to know. It is Easier for a Man to get a TeenAge Girl to do as he pleases. It is Easier for the Emotionally im'Mature Man to Deal with a TeenAge Girl in her in Complete Self ( see Tao Lin's Richard Yates ). But also, as has been our Storicaly seen, if a Man plucks ( and that is what he is doing, he is plucking ) a TeenAge Girl at her Most imPressionable Age, to be his Lover, it is All the Easier for him to set in the Girl his Values and to make her Economically Dependent on him, and thereby, in Capable of standing up to him with her Own Rights and Opinions, or preventing him from doing Many Other Things he would like to do, Such as take Other TeenAge Lovers. Under a System Such as this, a Patriarchal System, Virginity is im'Portant. A de-Flowered Girl is Damaged Goods because she is Less im'Pressionable. And if a Girl in a Marriage based in Male Control were to have Desires to Sxual Variety her Self? - Ho Ho! A Beating or Death awaits her. So, the Man is the Big Man, King Lion, orchestrating over his Pride with Complete Control, but still aloud to cry to his Mistress when he wants, and this is a Very Appealing Position for a Man to be in like High on Cocaine is an Appealing Position to be in. Men, over the Centuries, have become Addicted to their Power and Control over Ladies and so Ladies have languished, Sxually and Intellectually, in the Prisons of Prostitution / Marriage, Whore / Madonna.
If the Grown Lady wants to make her Self Desirable, even in this Day and Age, when Economic Freedom is Granted, though Begrudgingly, it seems she must make her Self an Object for the Mantle : Empty of Xperience, Proof, Only, of an Other's Accomplishments.
Though the Early Chapters of S.i/S: are based on my Personal Xperiences with Promiscuity as a TeenAger, I will not say how Much of the Material as it is written in the Book happened to me Personally. I will say, however, that my Motivations in xperiencing the Amount and Variety of Sxual Activity I did as a TeenAger were the Same as Hap'e Blue’s. I wanted to know what Different Sorts of Sx with Different Sorts of People was like, and so I performed those Acts with those People. From this I can say that Both Usual Reactions by Adults to Knowledge of Promiscuous Activities by TeenAge Girls miss the Point. Hap'e Blue’s and my Promiscuity, though influenced by the Media, comes from no-One but our Selves. It was I who wished to xperience what I did, and so it was I who sought out and achieved these Goals. To punish the Natural Instinct to Physical Love is to leave a Permanent Scar on the Authentic Sxuality of the TeenAge Girl. It is to make her feel as if her Sxuality, as it grows Naturally in her, is Somehow “ Bad ” - but beyond the Possibility of Disease or un Planned Pregnancy, is it Really? Is it not Love? Does the Stigma around the Sxuality of the TeenAge Girl have More to do with Men's Desire for Control over Ladies than Any Consequence that might occur if Men gave up this Need for Control? Do the Negative Consequences of Behaving in a Promiscuous Manner, as a TeenAge Girl, have More to do with People's Perceptions of those Actions than of the Actions theirSelves? I would argue, from my Xperience, that this is in Deed the Case.
In this Day and Age, with the TeenAge Girl xposed to so Much Evidence as to the Potential Benefits of xploring her Sxuality, the Act of Punishment for these Activities by an Adult could lead, as it did, in my Case, to the Teen-Aged Girl's forever loosing Trust and Respect for that Adult. Un-Like what is assumed by Many of those who would protect Slutty TeenAge Girls from their Selves, Ignorance of Sxuality does not create the Sxually Neutral or Chaste Child. Even though I was Later to become a Slut, I didn’t know what Sx was until I was Twelve. Though, by Seven'Teen, I had tried Most Varieties of Sx I knew of ( Vaginal, Anal, Oral, heteroSxual, homoSxual, biSxual, Orgiastic, etc. ), I didn’t look at on-Line Pornographic Films until that Same Year. When, as a TeenAger, Various Sxual Situations presented their Selves for me to participate in, I dove in Willingly and Ignorantly. What strikes me as Quite un-Usual is that Despite a Wide Variety of Sxual Xperiences, I didn’t masturbate to Orgasm until I was Twenty, and even then, it took me a Few Xtra Years to figure it out. My Sxuality has been, in my Life, so Focused on Men - their Bodies, their Attentions, their Love - that Self Pleasuring held Little Early Appeal.
For this Reason, the Seemingly inGrained, pre Conscious Nature of my Sxual Tastes, and Many homo-Sxuals will agree, I'm Sure, I believe our Sxualities are Born with us. I was born a Slut. Xternal Forces do naught but shape that which is al-Ready Present as Authentic Desire. I was Lucky that my Parents did Little to stop me from Xploring my Sxuality the Way I wanted ( Privately and Abundantly ). Had I been forced to choose between the Love of my Parents and the Sx I was having, I Probably would have gone with the Sx, and that would have resulted in me taking to Prostitution in no Time.
My Greatest Critique of my Parents, the Media, and my School Teachers, besides the Former Two relying on Limiting and Sxist Stereotypes, is that they did not give me ENOUGH Information. Had I Better understood what I was getting my Self into, wanting to try Sx of Various Kinds with Various People, I could have avoided Much of the Pain I xperienced. I was going to do it Any Way, but I could have been Better Prepared than I was. I would have appreciated knowing how to masturbate. What Little Education I did get was but a Drop in the Bucket of Sxual Xperience : knowing how to put on a Condom just doesn't cut it when you're navigating Tangled Emotions post-Three Way. Because we had not have the Language with which to discuss the Acts we involved our Selves in, my Self and the Kids I did these Acts with did not talk about the Acts after we perfromed them, and from here Sprang Most of our Issues : we were in Denial.
Trust, the 1990 Film by Hal Hartley, offers a Sympathetic Portrayal of the Slutty TeenAge Girl, as embodied in the Film's Protagonist, Maria
I have written and published this Essay Previous to the Publication of S.i/S: because I have desired that mine be the First Words on the Matter of the TeenAge Sx in the Early Chapters. The Sluttery in my Book will provoke Debate, and so, like the TeenAge Girl who must be given the Right to speak her Sxual Mind and act with her Sxual Body the Way she desires, Free of Stigma, I must not let Any One put Words in my Mouth.
Cocaine is a Slightly Different Deal. Cocaine can be a Great Drug, but Cocaine is also a Drug the Enjoyment of which can Easily spiral out of Control if you do not have Any Other Activities to motivate you in Life, or if you have un Resolved Emotional Issues. As a General Rule ( the Only Kind of Rule that is Real ), I'd say don't take Cocaine until you feel you are a Fully-Formed, Confident Adult Person with a Good Sense of your Worldly Ambitions. I say, Never do a Drug if you don't know why you are doing it. Doing Drugs is a Lot like Climbing Mountains : go in Prepared. Do Research before you do Any Drug so you know what you're in for / how to Deal with Any Problems that may arise while you are on the Drug.
Andrea Coates, 14, before doing Any "Drugs"
Andrea Coates, 23, after Seven Years of on and off "Drugs Use"