4.4.15

When MEN take themselves SERIOUSLY: ( laugh at them until they xxxplode )

VICE CEO Shane Smith interviews American President Barak Obama and Canadian Primeministerial Hopeful Justin Trudeau
 VICE CEO Shane Smith, The Crown's Dumb-00, interviews The President of the United States
and LLWAM’s undercover Cougar co-Anchor chimes in with her various implied orifi 

 1:00 

First Order of Business: Shane Smith asks Barak Obama if he is a Masochist. ????????? As I have oft reported: Shane Smith is a Masochist. I am his Dominatrix. I am also Barak Obama’s Dominatrix ( as in: if Barak Obama and I had Sx, I would dominate him ). They have much more in common than they think! In my professional opinion, who is the bigger Masochist? - Shane Smith. He’s also the bigger man, height to weight ratio, from what I can see oTV, which means this acting like Obama is the more powerful of the two of them is… Masochistic.


1:14 

Barak Obama says he is in a prime position to see what is going on in the world and to have as much of an impact on global events as is possible and this is a "fun job". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah. Ever heard of the Fun Party interNational Utopian-Anarchist rEvolution led by .... Andrea Coates, Obumba? I didn’t think so. I dont think you have a clue where politics be headed. *Pats his shoulder*

 "And yet, remarkably, despite legions of dossiers and media hounds, I have no Idea what is going on in neighboring Canada has to do with present interviewer Shane Smith."  
"That's Okay President Obama I also have no idea our insane mutual mistress is about to invade your country, and the whole time she was using my obsequious Canadian self-deprecation to lay the groundwork."

NEWS
AMBITIOUS CANADIAN SEX-WORKER REPLACES A REDUNDANT UN
in most hilarious feminist victory since Tamar and Judah
 


4:11 

By so far this interview is uuuuuh banal.


 
4:18 

Barak Obama: the kind of man I gotta respect for keeping his wedding ring on while I flog him, even if I told him to eat it, he wouldnt. There you go Michelle. Applause.


 

4:36 

I am so bored with this chat. When are they going to take their clothes off and make out while I throw snowballs at them?

  
4:55

 

6:24 

Oh. My. God. Shane. This. Is. Boring. Compared. To. My. Imagination. Where u & Obumby realize u fuck the same expensive prostitute at the same time. Now that's what I call bilateral relations!



You thought no one was ever going to invent MAN-CAREEr-objectification porn for smart-chiks
or u thought smart chiks are like admiring of and dignified around Presidents and CEOs

6:48 

According to Shane Smith, young people are angry with the politics game being played but don’t know what to do about it. He asks Obama for advice on behalf of the angry, disempowered youth he represents with his media business suit. Um. Shane? I pretty much know what to do. But your Gen Y employees keep deliberately invalidating me and you keep ignoring my blog posts trying repeatedly to explain this whole world-politics-power-corruption situation-ratio to you: I am Queen of Canada, World's Greatest Golden-hearted Whore, dig it? I kick everyone's ass. into shape. You are my dufus husband I blackmailed on the internet into having to divorce your 1stwife to save your career for ignoring my VICE-IS-MISOGYNISTIC&OUGHT2APOLOGIZ Protest Campaingn. Hellllooooooo. Now I'm using you to topple governments by out-cooling their leaders. What do you think you are doing talking to Barak Obama like you are the Voice of the Angry Youth? You are a brainwashed undercover Canadian spy cause my pimps-who-rule-the-underworld and I lead you around in circles in our cult club. Like singing and dancing wind-up toy Lana America. Boo. I call this Spherical-Time News.


8:32 

After a lot of preamble, Obama recommends…wait for it…VOTE! As a means by which young people can CHANGE America! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. VOTE for whom? Liberals? Democrats? Republicans? Conservatives? Greens? You? That guy from the ‘CHANGE’ poster? He’s right youngsters: instead of getting out there and being the CHANGE you want to see, you should VOTE somebody older wiser and richer into the position to barely do that job for you. VOTE is the most goddamn useless, pedantic, superficial thing you could have possibly said, to the question of how young people can make political CHANGE, Obama. It’s the equivalent of telling people they can curb climate warming by buying a different brand of lightbulb.


8:42 

Democracy isn’t dysfunctional because people don’t VOTE, Obama: people don’t VOTE because democracy is dysfunctional. That’s why I’ve decided to topple your government by first pointedly making fun of your lackadaisical bullshit on the internet and then taking the initiative to fuck you and Shane Smith at the same time, afterwhich you will be eternally beholden to me and my cracks-in-the-facade FrEcoutopian ideas about how to organize countries and communities. But you wouldn’t recommend that approach to the average idealistic youngster oTV, would you? Like your daughters? "Yes Andrea Coates is my friend. Yes she's the world's most powerful woman and living proof feminism has a real-world application. But dont try to be like her, girls. Just VOTE. Please?" Masochist.


10:20 

Obama goes on about preventing Iran from getting nuclear weapons. America has how many nuclear weapons again? Iran is afraid of who again for which they want nuclear weapons? Blab la blab la bla HYPOCRICY. What makes you so much better than Iran, America the Brave? You dont want Iran to get nuclear weaponry? Why don’t you destroy all of your nuclear weapons, America. It's like these MEN OF PUBLIC POLICY have never been to a kindergarden or had a conversation with their wives that wasnt about themselves.



10:54-11:00

Can we Obumba? Can we trust you? To follow through on an agreement? Like that you would change something before you left office? I, Canada, laugh at Obama-Care. Personally I dont trust any ostensible family-man-suit in a positon of socio-political power. That might be because I got very very psycho-raped by one, and he thought I wouldnt notice! ( like that scene in The Matrix 2, with the cheesecake,

but whips and chocking amd violent name-calling, instead of cheesecake :( but check out the neat character I got from that experience! I call her - "literally a refined gothique-lolita coke-whore," and she can be yours, for a price. Might also be because I'm onto something about what is human power as relates to certain agreements you made you're not going to be able to follow through on, Barak, because you care more about a public diploma of power than actual power. You were given the Nobel Peace Prize, O-bumba. And for what?

like the one instance when Shane's face changes during the whole interview
and within seconds we're back  

14:57 

Shane Smith says legalizing marijuana would be the most signifigant thing Barak Obama could do for his legacy according to young people on the internet who tweet @VICE. President Obama says:

How do you think I made this Comic Strip, Barak? Did I do it with Abstience?
Like he has some sort of right to decide what young people should and shouldn’t find important, like he doesn’t see the connection between antiquated drug policy and the tenability of American “democracy” these days. Calls for my classic torch song, for Mexico, which I hope to sing, one day, on the lawn of the White House, while Obama cries.

Maybe I should impeach a President for what he said about the marijuana not being important compared to weighty matters that have nothing to with the absurdity of the government banning marijuana.


17:19 



To Conclude: Barak Obama: President of the United States of America: a levelheaded politician clueless about where threats to American “Democratic” Supremacy be coming from these days: his own masochistic bi-curious penis on drugs.








0:53 

Nothing has happened yet. Pathetic, thinks Andrea. They are soooooo clueless, thinks Andrea.




1:08 

Shane Smith asks Justin Trudeau about political legacies like Shane isn’t the King of Canada and Justin a wittow pansy shwivels like a waisin when I stroke his hand.




1:25 

Oh listen to his voice. How does anyone take this twerp for their fearless leader but the name? I'm sorry: that's mean. At least he's trying; I imagine more faith has been invested in him than he necessarily deserves because of nepotism, but that doesnt mean he isnt trying. Says he didnt personally want a political legacy, which suggests he's gotten where he has - the Liberal Leadership - because Liberal Party Members want a legacy, trotting out Trudeau Jr the Baby-Face Love-Child is the Liberal way of saying "Hey, unlike the other parties, we have a dynasty, even if it has gone soft," because they are cowardly upper-canadian monarchists who would rather the semblance of independent dynastic reign than...well, either that or it's slim pickings in the Liberal ranks these days ( you remember Stephan Dion and Michael Ignatieff? 'Slim' would certainly describe them ). Humans: try as they might to put on a pagent of gender-neutral revolving-door policy-democracy, they want what humans have always wanted: a strong cultrually-distinctive tribe dominated by an intergeneratonal lineage of intimidating-but-benevolent alpha-males and their show-and-tell mates; th@ Fun Party has a prime crop of those means it can get away with supposed faux-pas like sadomasochistic-incest ( you wanted nepotism; I gave you nepotism, with a vengence ) and bricks of cocaine as party launches and platforms. And my meanness is to teach the boys a lesson: this is what it feels like to be professionally-objectified and condescended to, not because your political standpoint, which I disagree with, by the way, but simply because you're a man, and all men fail to get it up to my yard-stick of what a man should be. Whap.

1:50 

“I spend so much time talking to young people,” Trudeau says. His interest in young people is genuine.

 2:30 

Keep thinking about cupping his balls and going “ooop oooop ooop”



2:51 

Yes. Let’s be “hopeful and positive about the future,” where the Canadian government collapses while I laugh naked and drunk over the completion of my schemee-scheme-schemes. Just try and follow my train of thought here men.

It starts, the innocent revolution, with me missing my goth highschool-pimp, who blocked me on Facebook after I tried telling him about how I had to seduce that journalist who looks like him to get my apology from him. Misogynists. the Lot of them. 

 
 

 

and ends, in a backdoor deal, with his picturesque brother being 'nominated' 'Primeminister' 
 
because his 'dad' helped me 'open' a 'nightclub' where I perform as 'Queen of Canada, the Reel Lana Del Rey' - and let that be a lesson to anyone who thinks blocking on Facebook is harmless&/effective when dealing with a resentful lover // 
VOTING is how politicians get where they do NOT TINKERBELL RAPE butt getting out there and VOTING


3:00 

The Tar Sands. Depressing. Indeed. I’ve told you about how I intend to exile Stephen Harper to the Tar Sands until the ecosystem is resorted? Yes I told you about that.



3:24 

Trudeau is for the Keystone Pipeline? At least Keystone goes through America. Kidding. I wouldnt wish this on you Turtle Island.
Pipeline looks like the Great Grizzlybear Wall of Canada. Imagine you're a bear and you come across that. Trudeau doesn’t know pipeline approval through what is currently called 'British. Columbia.' ( puke. Trudeau doesnt think of how awful that name is, which means he knows nothing about polticis in this region ) will be the deciding factor as to whether or not the westernmost province breaks off from the rest of the country, cause, unlike Quebec, which has been trying to separate for years, we're not stuck between two segments of 'Canada': we're blocked off by the Rocky Mountains and clear on to Japan - military strategy, read about it in comic books. Or if Stephen Harper gets reelected and decides to - gulp - with his Bill C-51, wage war on the Fun Party,
Should I go to War with BC? No. I couldnt do that. Honey. Pack your bags.
who will otherwise oust him from Parliment and exile him to the Tar Sands. Stephen Harper for an inDependent Skookumchuck. Because no one in Ottawa, xcept Shane Smith, too briefly, just back visiting, has considered the existence of an insane, violent, but supremely compelling, West Coast revolutionary artist, lurking on the internet, stalking VICE for her political updates: Lana Del Rey knows more about Canadian Politics than Stephen Harper or Justin Trudeau or Barak Obama. If not a pipeline, how will we get the oil out of the Tar Sands, now that Alberta Tar Sands/Mucky Beaver Pool are there and might as well be utilized? I dunno. I find it incredibly difficult to discern what information about mega-projects like pipelines is credible; the ideological swamp is thick and murky and people are drowning in money. But the picture of a massive pipe transporting gooey poison across thousands of kilometers of rugged mountain landscapes from which I hail looks really dangerous to plant and animal life - how is a moose supposed to deal with the great pipe full of toxins? Wont somebody in Ottawa please think of the mooses. I hope if I pray to Jesus an alternative will appear. Like edibles or vaporizers! And if I become Queen of Canada and do an about-face on pipelines, because, truth be told - I’m an ideologue who knows nothing but her soft-hearted feelings for animals?

3:48 

A “Price on Carbon”? That’s the solution to climate change? A Price on Carbon and Efficient Lightbulbs will save the glaciers, kids. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Uhg. I’m so full of myself. But really. The reason I think the Anarchist rEvolution is a real thing that’s going to happen like…already…is because mainstream middle-class liberal types who care about “climate change” are so small-minded in their approach to these and other major global issues they couldn’t defend themselves, intellectually, against the spherical-time meta-thinking of the Fun Party, FrECoUtopian Black-Market&Gangsters Human-Rights Anarcho-Political-Party, who will address “climate change” by threatening corporate environmental polluters with theft and riots and exiles. Xceed your pollution quotient and I will call a public looting. That doesnt mean you will get looted; your machinery is awfully heavy and specialized; but know I gave people permission.




5:59 

Bill-C51. An Anti-Terrorism bill I think stemming from Conservative paranoia about invalidation of the “democratic” capitalist Government-Economy of Canada by violent revolutionaries which yet remains wholly incapable of understanding or predicting the most pressing threat to “democratic” capitalist economic supremacy in Canada: me! The Queen! A satirical cartoonist and slutty bitch who will slap you in the faces for your moneyed pettinesses! And her cultish thumping political party you cannot out-cool curmudgeon Canada and therefore cannot legislate or incarcerate out of existence, an organic uprising on the grounds of the collective unconscious: the Canadian rEvolution in Style has already occurred, but Stephen Harper has been too busy building his ineffectual, compensational police-state to even notice that irony is our leading national export.


As Queen of Canada, for Fun Party Front-Face forever, I appoint...
The Other Guy from Nxt Door who look like the Guy. Convenient! That's how we do in the backwoods of the American consciousness. Now let me kidnap him a strategic bride for all presses is good presses, even a terrible music video is a meaningful mating-call / manifesto in disguise
 
Oh dont stress your buffant Lana, the only way he'll get shot by someone other than himself is if he treats money like the anthem of success.
HOW DEMOCRACY CANADA FAIL SPECTACULARILY 
to account for innate powers
or How a Canadian Sausage gets 'made'


“I think we’re going to have to embark on a completely different style of government. A government that both accepts its responsibilities to be open and transparent, but also a population that doesn’t mind lifting the veil to see how sausages are made
That there is a dual responsibility in changing towards more open and transparent functioning, that really will go to a deep shift in how… government… operates.” [Trudeau] stressed these three words. And then he went on for another 500 words [!]. “Once I look at the trend lines in democracy, the empowering of citizens and activists, I know that the government of the future is going to be very, very different than governments of the past
 He takes these pictures of himself, Lana. They're 'selfies'.
And there will have to be learning done, both by governments, breaking old habits, and by citizens, shifting their expectations. But I know we’re going there eventually and it’s a question of whether we want to step forward with that with confidence and optimism, knowing that we’re going to stumble, knowing that it’s going to provide challenges, or whether we get dragged there kicking and screaming by mobs with pitchforks, metaphorical of course…”  http://www.macleans.ca/politics/justin-trudeau-quietly-suggests-we-change-everything/
Justin One Xample


7:00 

Environmental activists out west may not be “terrorists” but from personal experience they are “hypocrites”. Just like you two fools with your wedding rings and your suits.


7:32 

“People are worried about terrorism” and “security” but why don’t politicians talk publicly about the root causes of “terrorism,” for to avoid it? Do they assume a root cause of “terrorism” is Islam? Psychopathy? Overly-soft-hearted feelings for grizzly-bears comparatively to oil-companies? Or is it the hypocrite culture of paranoia and mistrust and scapegoating which becomes self-fulfilling?

9:55 

“Our current system isn’t working,” says Trudeau about Canada’s Marijuana prohibition. True dat.
p


10:20 

“Millions upon millions of dollars that is going to criminal organizations and gangs.” Yup. I hope you can see, as I can see, that what happened to me and the 'McEwan' neighbor-family ( and by familey I mean WRITHING DEN OF PHALLIC VIPERS ) - calcified Boomer hypocricy PHYSICALLY COLLIDED with Gen Y emo hipsterism to create... AN OPENLY GANGSTER POLITICAL FUN PARTY!!!!! - inevitable via someone with a much-needed loose tongue.



Nice People sell them too. or. if not nice, per se, then at least honest. and if not honest, per se, then whose fault is it drug-dealers are decievers?


 
OKay First-Lady-Lana, a Joke about Canadian Politics, let me set u up:

Two Social-Climbing, Dumb-but-Hung, Sons of a Judge walk into a Music Video with their Honor.  
I mean a Parlimentary Debate. I mean a Board-Room with me. They get to talking about oh I dunno.... marijuana policy.

The younger son happens to be like a major pothead cause he has low-Self-eSteem.
( to make him feel better ) somebody dares to say
and the DAD is like HMMMMMM considering his life thusfar

"I see you leaning back like you're dispassionately assessing the degree of the insult, but, you realize this is your Fault, Dad?" 



"Oh dont blame me Kids. Blame the Weather."
 
  
"We could always blame the Girl. She's Crazy."
HA HA HA HA stands for living in Northern Canada we got so fucking bush-whacked on this dope the Law started to seem rather Absurd. so, um, now...
according to Lana-TV, I'm off to join the Hells Angels for a Maniacal Laf HA HA HA HA
That'll teach you to even think about raping-then-breaking up 
with me for questioning your legal authority to anything the government

The Younger One is the Dangerous Lackadaisical Gangster.
& he's MY negligent Boyfriend-Pimp-Stepson, not yours Lana 
stop pretending you can handle this potato
He has a severe mental illness causes him to resemble all TV loungelizards
{ hm. how did my family 
become so bizarre? Oh yeah. 

By pretending so hard to be ordinary we broke the 3rd-dimension }


& the moral of the story is...    
 
 
 
 
 
The Older One

Appointed-Straight-Nose who doesnt DO much, but listen to what Sistermom Orgy Queen of the Underworld tells him & marry that Rich&Famous Lana-Bimbo, who has a crush on and prefers to sing about little-Big-Brother, but, unlike me, who hates you all, will swoon over your Hot Lumbersexual Hygiene, 

and exaggerate your Whiteboy Ladder-of-Dreams
 

or now for the Punchline...

That Nose is asking for it 

VOTE / DONT @ RULZ
Now our Foreign Policy 
 
as summarized by interNational Correspondant, VICE CEO 

 Shane Smith 
 
And back to our regularily scheduled program of snarky trolling.



11:14 

“Talking about [marijuana] actually becomes a proof point for evidence based policy.” Trudeau, sounding more intelligent the more he talks about getting baked.

11:54 

“Young people. Getting them involved in the political process?” says Shane like it's a question. Nothing turns the tables on apathy quite like. @. Fun. Party.



 


12:46 

“Young people compelled to make a difference and get their voice heard.” ACWJ. The millennial blog no body hears hollering from the street-corner that yet makes all the difference.

HAHAHAHAHA You werent paying attention and look what happened!


13:02 

Justin Trudeau is going to “show young people that poltics matter.” By folding when I poke him.



13:38 

“A generation of young people that think more long term and are less afraid of change.” Encapsulated by? Gee you are so close, you’re almost there, you’re almost getting me. “We need to draw on that dynamism.” With ur penis.

13:55 

“Our approach needs to shift.” “Canada’s going backwards quite frankly.” And then it lurches so forward you throw up, Shane.