24.7.14

Ganja Goddess Counterculture Cabaret & Social House - Vancouver, Skookumchuck, Canada


What with Mr McEwan stepping down from his Podium of Condescension he needs a New Livelihood and what can a Man in his Sixties do for Dough after he loses his eLevated Civil Servant Position still wishes to earn enough for a Jaguar and a Mistress and Plenty European Vacations and Xpensive Wines and Silky Gowns to placate his Wife for the about-Face in the Final 3rd xcept become a Gangster like his Son who lost him his Job? Every Newly Minted Gangster, Mr McEwan, needs a Clubhouse, so use whatever Money you have to open




Boi, that’s Popular already


The Ganja Goddess or the GG ( oooh, the GG ) will be Canada’s Premier Cabaret, a Strip Club like no Other, unOfficial Headquaters @ Fun Party Imaginary Utopian Anarkist Political Party joins itSelf fronted by Brian McEwan my Vote Best-looking Man in Canada but I’m Biased he was my Neighbor and I used to fuck in his Bed. Classic Gangsters we Kids from Smithers will hang around the Ganja Goddess plotting our Piracy for the Vicarious Amusement of Millions.







The Creation of Such an eStablishment would unDoubtably attract the Attention of the Hell’s Angels who control the Lower Mainland Sx Trade. There is Only One Thing to do: befriend and work with them. Offer Legal, Social and PR Support to the Hell’s Angels, Assistance in ending the Cultural Stigmatization against Black Market Professionals, a Stake in the Ganja Goddess, a Pad for their Well-behaved Associates, and a Market for their Drugs. Propose Caleb McEwan as Sonny Barger’s Heir and send Caleb to meet Sonny and seek his Approval.






If Police get All up in our Faces for opening a Den of Vice take them to Court on the Basis it’s a Human Rights Violation to impede People’s Abilities to open and manage Black Market Clubhouses where Fun can be had in the Company of Others. If the Government tries to stop us from opening &/ running the Ganja Goddess Cabaret as we see fit, we will topple the Government.


Ganja Goddess Counterculture Cabaret & Social House ought to have


- Bar with an Xcellent Selection of Absinthe  
- Hookahs
- Comfy Seating
- Drug Nooks
- Stage
- Dancefloor
- Psychedelic Lighting
- Rentable Back Rooms
- Times when it is Open to the Public and Times when it is not
- Several Copies of the Bible, Summertime Sadness, and Small Library
- Mirrors
- Tickle Trunk or Closet Full of Pirate Raver Dressup Clothes
- Art Supplies
- Nostalgic Mounted Photo of Smithers, BC
- Other Oddities & Curiosities
- Top-Notch Sound System
- Several inHouse Bands and Various Musical Acts
- Talented Strippers
- Lax Attitude towards Money and Laissez-faire Attitude towards Schedules
- Projection Machine and Film Screen
- Limited Clientele xcept for Public Events. Start your Own Secret Society!
- Passwords




People to involve


1. Andrea Coates, Mr McEwan, Brian McEwan and Caleb McEwan as Original Board of Directors


2. Hell’s Angels for inVestment, Protection and Collaboration


3. Track down ‘Todd Reddick’ Former Teen Manager of ‘Reddick’s Shack’ & unDoubtedly nowadays an eMbittered Alcoholic living in Tumbledown Obscurity in Some Small Northern BC Town with little to no Prospects in Life besides being recruited to manage and Bar-tend the New and imProved Ganja Goddess Counterculture Cabaret & Social House in Vancouver. How Silly is he going to feel when I swoop back into his Life to offer him the Best Job he is Handsdown going to get offered ever even after he said this about me in a 2010 email - An absolute laughing stock and pathetic excuse for a barely functioning borderline nut case ... bat-shit insane and destined for prostitution - How Right you were, Todd, and guess who bought in? You are Never going to guess but it will xplain EveryThing.


4. ‘Simone Beauvoir’. What is she doing these Days? Is she still a Courtesan? How would she feel about managing a Cabaret with G and Todd Reddick? She could be our Ambassador to Rich Asian Men. I know she likes Rich Asian Men and who doesn't in Vancouver.


5. Lana Del Rey. Request she star in a Feature Burlesque based on her Hit Album Ultraviolence co-starring me and G.





I am turned on by this Project already, aren’t you Mr McEwan? Why spend your Golden Years telling off the Greedy Brown Gangsters and Greedy White Housewives of North Vancouver when you could do Blow in your Own Club, fondle your Younger Son’s Best Hooker, scheme to make your Older Son the Primeminister, and buy your Wife off with the Fact you’re Finally spending Quality Time with the Kids. Yippie!




- from the Philosopher of Sx Drugs & Anarky








p.s. Update: the North Vancouver Police just called to tell me if I try to contact the McEwans again after my Postcard Package of Angry Art Fun I could be charged with Criminal Harassment or SlanderCriminal Harassment or Slander. My First Criminal Accusations as a Gangster. Seems Apt. What will happen Nxt? Will Grumpy Mr McEwan decide I'm Cuter and Smarter than I am a Slanderous Harassment and agree to invest in Ganja Goddess Cabaret with Fabulous LLWAM? Or will I continue to be considered a Threat to his enNobled Hypocrisy? Find out Soon on ACWJ the interNet's Most Dramatic Blog noOne reads for a Reason.



July 23 2014 - What I saw in the Chamber of Wounds


My Counsellor gave me this Book about Spherical Time and Shamanism and Soul Communication called Mending the Past and Healing the Future with Soul Retrieval by Alberto Villdoldo which is based on his learnings in the Laika Inka Ayahuasca Tradition as Well as Modern Psychology and Physics and the First Xcercise involves visiting the ‘Chamber of Wounds’ where is stored the Original Wound from Childhood or a Past Life that is being compensated for through a reCurrent Traumatization and I figured I’d Probably find SomeThing relating to G forcing me into his Secret Prostitute Projections and his Dad raping me given I’ve come to this Conclusion in my Journal Meditations but I was Curious how the Chamber of Wounds would interpret the Situation or whether I’d find SomeThing Deeper so I went down down into the Centre of the Earth where there’s a Majikal Garden and called the Guardian of the Spirit World who I personified as a Mountain Lion to me and the Mountain Lion took me to the Chamber of Wounds which was this Boulder with a little Door and in I went and saw mySelf dancing with a Man, or, being danced by a Man, Ballroom Style, Only we were aLone and not dressed up or AnyThing, and I asked mySelf who the Man was and of Course it was G’s Dad, the Man was Much Bigger than me and also Much Older cause Only Old People even Casually Ballroom dance, it was Fun dancing I guess, he spun me around, and then the Older Man Lana thinks she likes gave me a Porcelain Figurine of a Ballerina, like on a Music Box, and I looked at the Pale Ballerina in her Pose like this on her One Toe with her Other Leg out Straight behind her and her Disk of a Tutu sticking out Straight and her Arms behind her Curved Back Straight - Perfect and Smooth and Skinny and Delicate and a Bit Severe - I looked at the Ballerina for a Long While it seemed like. I thought, yeah, that’s a Nice Ballerina, but - what of it? Hardly Special. Just anOther Pale Ballerina Figurine with her Perfect Bun and her Perfect Bum. The Ballerina made me Mad. So I smashed her. And lit the Shards of Porcelain on Fire. And the Fire became Huge. And I thought about G and his Brother being Firefighters. And I was being drawn away from the Fire and as I was drawn away from the Fire I could see it was coming up from under the Basement of G’s House in SmT that was Big and White and always Clean and the House became Small in the Distance and I was out on the Road with G where we used to meet as Teenagers before we would sneak into his Basement and have Sx and G turned to me and he was Suddenly Right up in my Face with his Hand over my Mouth he said “Don’t talk, Andrea” and he was Very Close and Threatening and his Hand was Really clamped over my Mouth and he dragged me into a Closet that was Very Small and locked me in there and took off. I yelled and banged on the Door of the Closet until it broke Open and I fell out but I was All aLone and Frightened and I was searching for Someone to help me, searching through the Streets and Bars where I would pick up Men, and then I saw a Lighted Doorway and I went towards that and when I came out the Chamber of Wounds and the Mountain Lion was there to greet me and the Mountain Lion took me back up to Earth and I woke up from the Trance.

The Scariest Part was when G had his Hand over my Mouth and wouldn’t let me talk. 


My Parents told me as Soon as I started talking as a Toddler I wouldn’t shut up. Now that G’s Mom has agreed to speak to me with my Counsellor present, I feel a Lot Better, a Lot of my Anger against G’s Family is gone. It’s like the Worst Thing about being raped is being told not to talk about it. The Rape is Bearable but being told not to talk about it isn’t. I get Very upset when I think Someone is trying to silence me. It’s like how Angry I get/got that Alt Lit wouldn’t pay Attention to my Work and VICE was Deliberately ignoring me and All the Emails I send to the Mainstream Media are for Naught - in my Anger at G’s Family I sent Emails to Newspapers in Vancouver you’d think a Letter about a High-Profile Civil Servant having a Gangster with a Sx Worker Girlfriend for a Son would spark in the Media but G’s Family oughtn't worry - when it sounds too Good to be True, it Usually is - when SomeOne drops you a Line on a Stern Handsome Old White Man in Power’s Connection to Teen Sx&Drug Gangs it’s so Much the Scandal Media’s Wet Dream for it to be AnyThing Other than a Vengeful Hoax. And now G’s Family has agreed to talk to me so there’s no Need to go Name-dropping them to the Newspapers it’s like this Whole Story has a Force Field around it preventing it from getting leaked to the Press no Matter how Many Journalists I twitter about Lana Del Rey ripping off my Gangster Boyfriend’s Dad’s Mistress Story, which makes me want to test the Force Field by sending the Link to Summertime Sadness to as Many People as Possible ( it’s Actually Ridiculous - I even sent an Email to the Italian Photographer Lana is seeing and noThing ). But G’s Family is going to talk to me now so now I’m going to be considerate of their Desires not to be in the Media yet Probably - either Way the Dad is going to lose his Job. The North Vancouver Police haven’t called. My Dad said the North Vancouver Police might call to talk to me about the Blackmail Package I sent Mr impOrtant but they haven’t I hope it was One of their More Amusing Assignments to look over that Package I hope at Least One Police Officer wearing Gloves and using Tweezers to xamine the PostCards 


or Civil Servant brought in to give Advice on minimizing the Damage got a Snicker out to the Idea of the Honorable Mr McEwan having Sx with his Son’s Ridiculously Hot Gangsta GF 


who makes Colorful Sticker PostCards and sends them to his Work 

G wishes he'd thought of this. 
You go fight them Fires G. 
I'm going to fight your Dad.
Which is Scarier?


I hope a Rumor starts circulating where he works about how he got blackmailed by his Son's Sxe GF I hope his Hardnose Job has begun to seem Frivolous to him and he will quit of his Own Accord to do SomeThing to make him Worth his Much Younger Mistress who will defend him in the Media now that he’s agreed to send his Wife to talk to her while he ekes out of the Dusty Robe of Denial.

The Most intereSting Part of the Chamber of Wounds Vision was the Ballerina. Like why she pissed me off and I felt I had to smash her and light her on Fire.



To me she represents Traditional Femininity in Uppity White People Society. Supple and Meek and Docile and Delicate and Well-Trained and Quiet and Prim and Proper and Tasteful and Refined and Cultured in an inArguable Way ( Never mind the Pressure on Dancers to starve and mutilate themSelves, who at a Dinner Party for the Aspirational 14% could argue AnyThing Bad about Ballet as an Art Form that isn’t Purposefully Contradictory Cynicism? ). I don’t have AnyThing against Ballerinas - I have a Problem with the Ballerina Figurine being applied to me as if I was that Girl or the Kind of Girl has a Ballerina Music Box by her Mirror, which is like 70% of White Girls, but not me. I like to dance, a Lot, I'm a Dancer, but Ballet is not my Dance, Ballet is Structured, Choreographed, Regimented, there are Moves and Performances and Costumes that are considered Ballet and not Ballet, whereas for All my Talent as a Dancer - if you tell me to do this Move here at the Same Time this Person does this Move there, I am lost. I can Only dance Freeform, the Music and Soul my Guides, aLone with my Manic/depressive Inner Process opened in Physical Form thanks to Meth-laced E at Teenage Rave Parties. a Ballerina: it’s not me. It’s who you wish I was, Old Man, but then not even - it’s who your Lazy Classist Narcissism wishes I was ( a Ballerina for a Mistress, Lovely. Clean and Simple. She’s too Prudish about her Sxuality to write about an Affair on a Blog or try to talk to your Wife, but too Stuck-up to date a Man her own Age unless you hand her over to your Son to marry when you’re done with her ) - and wishing I was the Ballerina is ignoring the Most Obvious - to me - Thing about my Incest Drama: if your Son’s GF had been a Ballerina, which you were insisting she be with your Steady Scrutinizing Judgement Glare, you Never would have stolen her from him, you wouldn’t even have been tempted because Ballerina Woman is not tempting - she’s Chaste as Virgin Mary and that’s why she’s given to little Girls to put Nxt to their Mirrors. The Ballerina doesn’t represent the Dangerous Carnal Woman I am ( a Shary Boyle would have been Preferable, thaanx ) 



whose Rakish Anti-Authoritarianism and Bubbling Sarcasm are Actually what Successful Men Far beyond her Age find Supremely Attractive about her and are what permit her to turn being raped by her Boyfriend’s Dad into SomeThing Other than a Dreadful Secret. The Only Part of Mr McEwan wants the Ballerina Girl is the Part of him that’s in Denial about wanting me and why - because he’s Secretly an imBred Hedonist who has been spending his Whole Life pretending to be a Christian Gentleman for Social Success, meanwhile I, his Son’s GF, am the Xpert on Hedonism - Philosopher of Sx Drugs & Anarky. The Only Reason for Mr McEwan to give me a Child's Porcelain Doll would be to shame me for being what I Really am - a Preternaturally Mature Fleshy Whore - and thus to shame himSelf for seeing me as SomeThing Other than the Silky Eternal Virgin Dancer who marries his Son ( that would be - Lana, the One who is Famous for being Andrea in Music Videos for Hipster Girls who dont want to know enough about Old Men to know the Thing to do is kill them ). Therefore, the Porcelain Doll must be smashed, for mine and his Sake. My Sake because I can Never be the Ballerina and trying to turn me into her will Only kill what it is about me that makes me Unique and Fascinating and able to hold my Own against Old Men. Mr McEwan’s Sake because the Kind of Man who wants a Ballerina for a Mistress is not the Kind of Man has the Guts to give up his impOrtant Job for the Sake of Forbidden Love and therefore not the Kind of Man Capable of rising above a Job as an imPosing but Otherwise Forgettable Civil Servant. The Ballerina represents his Picture of his Mother or the Kind of Girl he wished his Son would date so he wouldn’t have inAppropriate Thoughts about and steal her from him or the Mistress of a Man in his Position who goes to his Death still an unRemarkable enForcer for the Boringest Government in the Western World, not me, the Person who was Actually being danced around by him in his Pretentious Old Man Picture of a Courtship ( unConsciously moulded into his Fantasy Lover in Childhood:(  ie when a Woman from an Educated and Ambitious Middle-Class Home in an Isolated Neighborhood grows up to be a Sx Worker, who in that Neighborhood thought there needed to be More Conveniently Available Educated and Ambitious Prostitutes?????? I’m going to take a Stab at - One of the Three Guys in the Really Big Lake House or All of them. Uh. hm. It’s taken me Years of snooping to figure out the Good-looking Men who lived in the Particularly Big House down the Street from my Modest Childhood Home are sadoMasochistic Gangster Despots masquerading as University Bois who obey the Law and like their Surfaces Very Clean and Neutral-Colored, how Amusing, this will make Xcellent Theater for the Barely Pseudonymous Detective Novel I’m writing between Boyfriends ). Though my Resentment inclines me to blame the Father for my Prostitute Sxual-Identity Complx there’s got to be SomeThing Special about me besides how I look with the Skinny Dirty Blonde Big Tits Combo to make me the Recipient of Such a Large Number of High Caliber People’s Lusts. Hint: it’s not because I’m a Ballerina. I think it’s because I’m a Crafty Witch who would torch a House or blackmail a Guy if she felt it would be the Right Thing to do and Dramatic and Funny. Either Way that House needs an Xcorcism cause there’s Rape eNergy still dwelling in the Space where you left it to be Closer to me or did you move to North Vancouver because the Government offered you a Job? HAHAHA how Long is that going to last? and unless the little Girl Rape eNergy is cleared it will infect the People who live there now and there will be More Rapings of little Girls by Old Men who like their Houses Bigger than EveryOne else’s. Final Round: Foot-Sure Girl Detective with Notebook wins against 2 Generations of Arrogant Males with Abusive Sx Fantasies.



20.7.14

The Evil Andrea Coates, in a Bid for Sympathy Possibly, converts to Christianity




Dear Jesus Christ Lord and Savior of the Christian Religion, I was wondering - can I be a Christian if I’m a SadoMasochistic Pagan Prostitute? I’m going to go with yes, why the Heaven or Hell not, why discriminate, Open Heart Open Mind, Mary Magdalene and All that, but, besides a Generalized Religious Tolerance and Aspirational Lack of Pretty preJudices, is being a Christian and a Prostitute who engages in Death Fetishistic Animist Rituals a Contradiction or a Paradox? Does being a Seeming Contradiction make Something Less True or Valid considering Most Truisms are Paradoxical? I would Actually call mySelf a Satanist and Worshipper of the Horned God of Fertility and the Hunt and the Dark inStincts of intoXication, I think he’s Rad. Can I be a Christian and a Satanist? If I put a Figurine of you Jesus Nxt to a Figurine of Hades would you Two get along? You seem like One of the More Sober, Cuddly Deities, Jesus, a Guy who knows how to love his Brother as his Brother even if his Brother is a Criminal, and the Horned God of the underWorld even if inTimidating and Conniving is Self-Sacrificial to the Great Goddess so if I tell him not to be Such a Cynic he has to listen whereas your Dad God Jesus Sometimes comes across a Stern Old Hardnose who doesn’t like Fun and in my Mind I get raped by One of those I bear a Bit of a Grudge against Patriarchy, the inStitutional Power of Stern Old Hardnoses against Fun working together to coverup Rapes by blaming Whores since the Beginning of Time. Ultimately, you Two are just Figurines I enliven with my Personal Emotional Xperiences, and if I had to pick Only One of you to have Sx with I would pick the Devil, I like his Horns and his Danger Fetish, but I’m Poly so why make that Choice?  


A Nice Cheerful Lady I met at the Mom’s Group at the Rec Centre I go to invited me to her Church this Sunday. I told her I’m a Feminist Witch, so, if not outRight preJudiced against Christians, Trepidatious about entering their Places of Worship considering the Misogyny and Anti-Paganism promoted by Some Christian Factions, but, being Open-minded to the Best of my Abilities as a Regular Practice, I would go to a Christian Church out of Cultural Curiosity if I could be assured there would be no Misogynistic or Anti-Pagan Lambasting, which my Friend said she’d Never heard from Anybody there, so I went, and I liked listening to the Pastor read from the Bible and give his interpretAtion and after I stood in a back Corner and held Hands with Christians and asked to be forgiven of my Sins and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. though I’m not eNtirely Sure what that means, like what is a Sin?  Wrath, Avarice, Sloth, Pride, Lust, eNvy, and Gluttony? How is Jesus going to save me from this sinning I’ve maybe done? saying it did make me feel Better, I’ve got a Lot I need to feel Better about, even if I wouldn’t Necessarily call it ‘sinning’. Is Nymphomania and Substance Addiction a Sin? Or is it just a Compensation for Rape? If I’m prone to Any of the Seven Deadly Sins according to Christian Ethics I would say Pride, because I am a Megalomaniac - but my Pride is a Compensation for how when I was trying to recover from Rape and Alcohol Abuse my Friends ditched me, so I told mySelf I was going to be a Great Writer, what do I need Friends for if I am the Greatest Writer of All Writers HA HA HA HA? and um - Lust, but I Only ever Really lusted after One Person, and that was the Guy I lost my Virginity to, and he wanted me to go away, he wanted me to lust after Other People, so I did, or maybe I just lusted after my Boyfriend still, but he wasn’t around, so Other People took Advantage, cause I had a Lot of Lust to give away to Anyone who would take it so I wouldn’t stalk G More than I have and he could get his University Degree and keep his Friends. eNvy. I envy People who are More Popular Artists than I am. But not Really because Most of them are not as proFound as I am and that is why they are More Popular. I am Angry a Lot, if not Quite Wrathful - Angry at Patriarchy, Angry at Superficial but Popular Artists, Angry at my X-Boyfriend and his Family, Angry at People Generally for caring More about Cars and Cellphones than Plants and Animals - that doesnt strike me so Much as the Sin of Wrath as Righteous inDignation. I’ve Never been Materially Gluttonous, the Only Drug I ever had a Serious Problem with was Alcohol, I’ve got that under Control I think, or, I’m going to work to keep that under Control, I got into Cocaine with Cokeheads yet Only used a Fraction of the Drugs they did and then quit while I imagine that Crowd is still whirling, whirling away Time and Money on White Powder. Maybe I’ve been Sxually Gluttonous but I think I was just in Pain and trying to keep the Pain at Bay and Lonely and Only interesting to Men with Hardons, so that’s not Gluttony, that’s not Lust, that’s not my Sin. When I try to imagine Someone committing a Sin I imagine them doing SomeThing Cold-Hearted and Selfish, whatever Form that might take. Cynicism is a Kind of Selfishness. Self-incUbation in a Pessimism that satisfies as Reliably Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. Sloth is a Kind of Selfishness. kNowing you could be doing More for the World, or thinking More Deeply about SomeThing, but not bothering because it’s Easier and insTantly Gratifying to surf the Web or take Drugs or whatever. Material Greed is Selfishness, for Sure, and People toDay are Very Greedy, they want All Kinds of Toys that promise Much but Only deliver More Money to Higher-ups More Skilled at their Greed. PreJudice is a Kind of Selfishness, presuming you know what is Right Absolutely, your Tastes are the Only Tastes to be followed, etc. Arrogance. Moreso than Pride. Pride has its Uses as a Defence against those who would spit on you, Arrogance is Conceit, and Selfish. Wrath, yes, because Wrath is Different than Anger. Anger is Founded, Due for a Crime, whereas Wrath is Anger that has bubbled over into Rage that has no Basis in Justice, is Mere Arrogance, is a Selfish Lunatic railing against the Perceived inJustice that he should be misTaken or Vulnerable. Hypocrisy. Which is Different than Lying because there is a Time and Place for lying - when not to lie would be to endanger One’s Self. But to say One Thing and behave anOther as a Matter of Course, that is Hypocrisy. To lie for Petty Reasons, so as to be More Popular or avoid inConveniences, to promote Certain Values in One Place Only to flout them in anOther - that is Hypocrisy and I point it out Every Time I cross it, it runs Rampant and it is a Poison to All the Good Deeds it claims. Seven Sins according to Andrea, Jesus - Cynicism, Sloth, Greed, preJudice, Arrogance, Wrath, and Hypocrisy. And if you could help me Jesus, being that you’re the Deity performs Such Rites, I hear, to cleanse me of what I see as Sin on a Daily Basis, that would keep me on the Right Path, to my Mind, even if I am an Angry Whore with a Great Deal of Pride as a Defense against Loneliness. It seems to me, who is an inteLlectual, a Person whose inteLlectual Curiosity trumps her Cultural preJudices, so that even though I was raised Secular and feel a Kinship for inStinctual Paganist New-Age Spiritualism, if there is SomeThing to be learned from the Christians and their Ethics I care to know, I am not going to avoid them or their Holy Book or their Deities on the Basis that at One Point in Time Some inDividuals calling themSelves Christians lit Women on Fire for being Curious Women and Some inDividuals toDay calling themSelves Christians are Hate Mongers - Many Anarkists are Hate Mongers and I haven’t abandoned that Cause - Hate Monger Christians haven’t wrapped their Heads around the Core of their Own Religion, it seems, which is to love thy Neighbor as thy Self - to them the Neighbor is Only worth loving if he is like thy Self, a Subtle Distinction - Anyway, it seems to me that the Ritual of confessing One’s ‘Sins’ so as to receive Forgiveness is a Ritual of Honest Self-Xamination - if you can look at your Dark Side as Well as your Qualities you or God will forgive you your Less-than-Perfections and you will move along the Path of Honor, even if Other People think you are Nuts - however if you fail to Self-xamine, or lie to yourSelf that you are Better than you are, you will not walk Honorably, and this relates to the Conflict I have been in of Late, where I feel my Abusive Neighbor Boyfriend and his Family’s Refusal to xamine themSelves as inDividuals and a Family is Negatively impacting my Mental Health, is causing me to behave in Ways that could be condemned, and that All I can do to avoid being dragged down into the Murk of Cruelty and Madness and Shame so as to revenge mySelf on them for turning me into a Neglected Hooker Mistress is to Continuously Self-xamine, to give mySelf over to Self-Xamination on a Daily Basis - the Confessing of my Sins - so that I can forgive mySelf how Very Much I want the Stupid Spoiled Neighbor Men to suffer.


It bothers me that Christianity is so Patriarchal, Jesus. It bothers me that God is a Him and you are His Son and your mom was a Virgin who makes the Rest of us Girls look Bad for our Busted Hymens. I think, in my Head, I’m going to convert the He of God into the She of Goddess when I read the Bible or Other Christian Txts, to see if that makes me feel Better about their Fundamental Philosophies, which strike me as Good, for the Most Part. The Great Goddess of the Universe lets Plagues happen just like the Christian God does - she has her Rages and her Tests of Faith and her Blessings of Suffering - Only that she has an imMaculate Son who dies for her and is reborn in her makes More Sense Biologically speaking, and this is the Mythological Wheel of the Seasons of the Wiccans - the Horned God, Son and Consort to the Great Goddess, is born of her in Spring, loves her in Summer, dies for her in Fall, lives underGround in the Land of Death over Winter, and is reborn in her the Following Year. That Myth sounds, to me, just like the Myth of Christ the Savior who sacrifices himSelf on the Cross for the Sins of Man and is reborn in God’s Light, Only with a Woman Character and the Cycle of the Year given More Prominent Roles. So, in my Imaginary New Religious Cult Myth, Jesus and Satan are Brothers, Brian and Caleb, and they Both live out the Same Life Cycle of Birth in the Goddess, Life and Love in the Goddess, Death in the Goddess and reBirth in the Goddess, Only One of them is a Good Guy and the Other is a Rake. God I guess is the Hardnose Dad who rapes the Goddess by trying to take her Significance in the Narrative away from her, but she forgives him, and that is Justice, because He thought Only He could do the punishing and forgiving.


Christians insist their Relationship to Jesus is Personal. That’s why I’m writing you a Letter, Broo. Jesus is a Friend that’s always there for you, always trying to guide you to the Light of what is Righteous Action in a Given Situation. In that Jesus seems to me a Valuable Deity, More Valuable than his ‘Father’ ‘God’, whose Nature is unClear to me, who is in One Place Loving and Forgiving and in anOther an unBearable Authoritarian Misogynist and Jealous Contradictory Tyrant, just like a Human Hardnose Patriarch Dad who oscillates between Generous Benevolence and Clear-Headed Guidance and Selfish Pomposity and Vicious Nonsense. Not that that’s not a Totally Accurate Depiction of the World we live in, where on One Hand there is Great Abundance and Majik and Joy and on the Other Hand Repulsive Horrid Cruelty and Suffering, which lends me to think Heaven and Hell are One Place, called Earth, and if you’re a Conscious Being your Choice is which you would like to live on a Daily Basis, and whatever you give the World you will get back: if you try your Best to stick to Love and do Good by Others you will live in a Heaven of your Taste ( my Taste is a Bit Hellish, what with the Drugs and Killing and Rapes, but you know, I keep writing Funny Essays ) whereas if you fall into a Rut of Cynical Selfish Greed you will breed an Inner and Outer Hell ( no Matter how Heavenly your Superficial Material Surroundings ).


It bothers me, Jesus, that here I do eVeryThing I can to Self-Xamine and pick the Path of Love and yet I am without my Boyfriend I like a Lot still, he and his Family have no Mercy for me, the Most his Mom could do was call my Parents and xpect them to chide and comfort me and put me in a Therapy Program, she can’t even go to the Same Length for her Son, because he would Never admit he’s as Sick as I am, and I want them to suffer like I am suffering, I want them to spend their Days All Sad and Lonely and Love-Sick and Condemned for being Honest. Apparently what it takes, Jesus, for me to receive your Heaven Powers, which you could say I am after for the Reasons a Criminal Satanist would be after them - to get away with Murder - is for me to trust in your Power to save me from the Sins I have. That’s a Pretty Simple Mandate and I’m willing to give it a Try as a Thought Xperiment. You see Jesus, like Any Good intelLectual, I am trying to be Balanced in my Coverage. I’ve been an Avid Reader of Friedrich Nietzsche, who spares no Harsh Words attacking the enFeebling Aspects of the Christian Religion. It has become Fashionable, in intelLectual Circles, to denounce eNtirely the Value of ilLogical Religious Sentiment: Nietzsche at Least knew ilLogic had its Place. Nonetheless Jesus I’m not One to denounce AnyThing eNtirely, even my Awful Neighbors are Goodlooking and Amusing Story Fodder, and that holds True for your Religion, which I’m inclined to think because I’m an Optimist has More to offer me than not. I am willing to trust that you will save me Jesus, from this Terrible Mess I’ve gotten mySelf in here, as Youth Gang Member turned outLaw Prostitute who just blackmailed a Prominent Man with Rape Accusations because neither he nor his Wife will talk to me about how their Son abused me and turned me into a Prostitute, and will Mostly Likely join the Hell’s Angels and become a Killer of Men who want to be killed by a Woman for Erotik Kicks to so revenge mySelf on Patriarchy for All those Witches burned without their Consent. If you Jesus can love me and understand why Piracy and Death-Dealing are my Path set down by the Goddess or whoever up in the inFinite Sky dreamed my Wacky Life to amuse themSelves and teach the Humans a Lesson, then I suppose I can keep a Level Head while the Order crumbles. Worse than being a Hooker Assassin would be continuing to be ignored as a Talented Artist. It Really grinds my Gears, Jesus, but that Recognition for my Fabulous Talents in the Visual, Performing, Literary, Philosophical and Musical Arts has eluded me despite my Enormous outPut suggest to me Only when I have Truly realized my Calling on Earth as an Artist - to be the Killer Hooker who starts the Global Utopian rEvolution - will I be given the reCognition I thought I deserved Simply for writing about Female Sxuality and Alt Lit from a Fresh Perspective.


It’s considered unCouth to say, I realize, but I’m like you Jesus: I sacrifice mySelf for the Sins of Man. You were left to bleed on the Cross, I am left to live out a Life of Perpetual Sxual Sacrafice to Othewise Abominable Male Dictators. When I was Younger Jesus I went over to the House of this Preppy Kid I had Numerous Mutual Friends with and in his Bedroom nailed to the Wall over his Bed was a Giant Cross with you depicted nailed to it, Jesus, bleeding and tormented. I pitied that Kid, Jesus. To have you and your Crying upTurned Holy Eyes above him every NIght making him feel Guilty about masturbating. Meanwhile I felt too Guilty about being in Love with G to masturbate to thoughts of him and no One else mattered. If I’d dared to masturbate to Thoughts of him he would have had to date me. And that Christian Kid who was Good at Sports and Pretentious maybe he pitied me, the Goth Girl with the Drug Habit and the Lack of what he considered Sxual Self-Respect. I’d like to say it’s not Fair, Jesus, but it is Fair. I am the Great Warrior rEvolutionary, not G who is a Boring Firefighter who will Only be able to replace Emotionally neglecting a Woman with Physically torturing her or that Preppy Christian Kid whose Parents confused Love with Abstinence.


I know it’s not Nice to pray for People to get Hurt Jesus and the Witches say what you send out will return to you Threefold but which Side am I on with my Vengeful Prayers that the Horrible Neighbor Family be made to suffer for treating me like a Lunatic Whore? Am I sending out Bad Vibes to the Neighbors that will come back at me Threefold or are the Snotty Sxually-Xploitative Neighbors sending out Bad Vibes to me because they want me to shut up and let them go back to their eNtitled Hypocrisy that are coming back at them Threefold through me wishing they would get Hurt? I would pray that the Neighbors see the Light and learn to love me, Jesus, but having them love me means the Dad is going to love me with his Penis, so, woop. I’m going to pray that the Dad loses his Job. I don’t have a Job, I can’t lose my Job Threefold. I want that Stupid Rich Condescending Bastard to have to come sniveling to me for Advice as to how not to wind up in the Poor House in his Final disHonored Years. And you know what I’m going to tell him, Jesus? I’m going to tell him to traffick Cocaine. Then he’s going to love me with his Penis and what is that, Jesus, is that God showing me how Much he cares about me?


What if I say ‘No’, Jesus? My Last Essay was about how I can’t say ‘No’ because the Old Bastard’s Projections onto me that I’m a Lunatic Whore are Stronger than my Desires Never to see his Penis, but for the Sake of Argument here Jesus, what happens if I say ‘No’? What happens if I dial back this Whole Imaginary Train I’m on where All of a Sudden I’m giving my BF’s Dad Bumps and BlowJobs and talking to him about what a Lonely No-Fun Narcissist he’s been for 30 Years to the Place I’m at now where Government People are according to my Parents through Poor Mr BigShot’s Wife, cause Heaven Forbid they talk to the Girl like she’s Sane, looking into that Package I sent him ( imagine for a Second Police or Some interNal reView Board xamining a Bunch of my Sticker-covered Collage Postcards about Gangsters and Sx Work and how I’m my XBF’s Dad's Mistress and laugh as I have been at the Preposterous Notion this is going to end with Daddy going back to Work as if he didn’t get Sxe blackmailed by his Drug-Dealer Son’s Sxe Hooker XGF at unSxe Work ) and I am trying to figure out if I should kill mySelf so G’s Family can blame my Lunacy, have Sx with my BF’s Dad, or say ‘No it was All an Elaborate Fiction. Good Day.’ Imagine if I chose the Latter. Then what, Jesus? Would you forgive me Jesus if this was All a Con to be Vindictive towards my XBF? According to what the Christians say about you Jesus, you would, no Matter how Sinful or Selfish my Deed, so Long as I trust in you, and that sounds like a Deal, Jesus, I will trade you Trust in your Godly Powers for Forgiveness of how I tried to ruin my Boyfriend’s Dad’s Career to get back at my Boyfriend who respects his Dad’s Opinion Far More than he ought to whether the Old Man is a Rapist or not.

Anywho. Thanks for the Clarity Jesus we’ll talk again I’m Sure.






19.7.14

Masculine & Feminine / Dominant & submissive Sxual eNergy Polarity, the Myth of Consent, why Abstinence Education fails & the Woman gets blamed


Walking in the Light

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. - 1 John 1:5-10


You shouldn't be surprised that the only sane response to this impotence is neurosis, for which of course the system provides a psychiatric treatment that couldn't possibly work. "I need an Ambien, I can't sleep." But where did you hear that you needed to sleep?

If you're a guy, you probably don't realize the awesome pressure on women to let themselves get looked at: to reveal themselves online, to post a pic, to give everyone your attention, to stop what you're doing and give the other your self, even if they want to yell at you. "Hey lady, I hate you!" And yet that same pressure tells women they are valueless unless they are public. Madness. - The Last Psychiatrist, Who bullies the Bullies? http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2014/05/cyberbll.html



Even if I am not Actually inSane - thought Hap’E BLU who was ThirTeen Years Old so these Thoughts I have transcribed as Best I can would be Better described as Feelings rushing beneath the Surface of her Conscious Thoughts like the Ground-Water that feeds a Forest - I ought to go inSane. go inSane like it were Performance on the Stage of Life. go inSane to show the World Madness is the Sanest Response to being forced to live in Stupid Boring Slyly Despotic Society run by Adults that are Dumber than me or are lying to me where Kids who are rewarded are the Ones who shovel the Shit ( do their [ School ] Work ) without Protest and Compliant Citizen’s Life is being shunted from One inCreasingly Abstracted Corral to anOther - Grade-School - Middle-School - High-School - University - Job - Marriage - Mortgage - Children - Old Age - Death. InSanity is the Only Freedom to be had from this Slyly Despotic Society. inSanity or Death - thought Hap’E BLU TweenAged Girl - and Personally I want to live. Really Actually live. - Andrea Coates, Splendid inSanity One: Early Adventures of Hap’E BLU http://andreacoates.blogspot.ca/2014/02/millennial-masterwork-canadian-classic.html





Whatever Cataclysmic Trigger - having a Baby and breastfeeding and then weaning & Some Hormonal Shift or putting Chapters of S.iS:1 on the interNet reviving burried Memories detached from writing 3rd Person Fiction or Both & More … realized Reason I was in an Abusive Early Life Sxual Relationship & developped Susbstance Abuse & Nymphomaniacal Compulsions ( not being able to stop mySelf from loading up with Drugs strutting out in Thigh-Highs to pick up Men for Casual Sx ) - is because I get raped by my Upperclass Teenage Boyfriend’s Dad in a Spherical Time Whackadoodle, and if that is what Finally makes me Famous in the Mainstream Media go Fuck yourSelf, where instead of having a Normal Teenage Relationship where we did Normal Teenage Relationship Things like meet Each Other’s Parents & hang out Sober & I went over to his House to do Homework or Something Soberly Only to be abNormally raped by his Bottled-up Dad who would have gotten himSelf a Hooker Mistress if he’d lived in a City but he didn’t then, my Teenage Relationship to my Teenage Neighbor Boyfriend who wasn’t a Bastard even though he acted like One, um, was kept Secret from eVeryOne Possible, my Boyfriend compensated for feeling unComfortable in his Home with his ‘I-got-an-impOrtant-Job-now-I-wanna-cum-on-a-Young-Whore’ Dad by doing Lots of Drugs in Trailers & Shacks I was always trying to find him in, I engaged in All Sorts of Cover-up Sxual Activity with Men who were Decent, Sure, but weren’t the Guy I was in Love with & he made a Big Show of pursuing these not-Goth, not-Poly Girls who would turn him down because he was Obviously a Fetishistic Swinger Drug-Addict Liar, and trying and then not even trying to be ‘Friends’ Anymore Only delayed the ineVitable, which is me getting sucked into the Vortx of Father Douchebag whose Decades of repressed Orgiastic/biSxual/Mistress Fantasies, the Parts of himSelf wound up in his Orgy Pimp Goth Drug Lord rEvolutionary Son, as opposed to the Rugged Handsome Dolt Fireman Calendar Poster Son, hm, which Neighbor Boi to pick? Oh, no, wait, watch out for the Dad, has turned him in a Creepy Monied Whirlpool for Attached or unAttached Emotionally-Damaged Nympho Borderline Druggie Much Younger Mistress Whores of whom there are how Many in Vancouver and surrounding Regions who are More intereSting than their Watches? I wonder. This Situation is Weird because even if I’m Smart enough to figure out after Years of Sleuthing - I’m a Raging Hot Spank-me-then-ditch-me Mess because my Boyfriend’s Dad has a Boner for little imMature me he tried his Best not to let Anyone know about to the Point of giving himSelf not-Quite-the-Gonads Cancer and dissuading his Son from being Publicly associated with me, Better buy your Nxt Hoodie in a Sporty Spotless Comfortable White, Orgy Pimp Goth Drug Lord rEvolutionary Son - being Aware that my Boyfriend’s Dad has/had an inAppropriate Thing for me does not in Any Way give me the Power to say ‘No thank you on that Affair, Boyfriend’s Dad. You are a Disgusting and Pompous Old Fool and Failed Parent and deserve to lose your Snooty Job. Why don’t you and your Wife join a Swingers Club with People your Own Age.’ Even though I think he’s a Boring Asshole Jerk Narcissist who belongs on a Golf Course with the Other Bourgeois Tightbums, not up my Ass, and Mr Casual Slacks can satisfy his Need to buy a Fixer-Upper 2nd Property Jewelry and Lingerie with Someone who won’t find that Bitterly Laughable as this Ad

a little time costs.jpg
You know I’m Attractive to Old Narcissistic Men because 
Otherwise I’d be spending my Welfare Check on Weed

… I actually cannot turn by Boyfriend’s Dad down. Which is why I’m calling this Whole Thing Rape even though it hasn’t happened xcept in Somone’s Imagination and seeing as I’m the Only Person talking about it, it would appear, to those who know little about Sxual eNergy Polarity, as if I, the Young Woman talking on the interNet about my Imaginary Affair with my BoyfriendXBoyfriend’s Dad, am constructing an Elaborate Charade for Some Conniving Reason like getting back at my XBoyfriend for blocking me on Facebook after I told him I loved him. Why would I do that? or, More Relevantly, where did he learn to be Such a Cold-Hearted Self-Denying Bastard? It has been Convenient for People to tell themSelves I am an Evil Nympho when Actually I am the Victim of Early Life Sxual Xploitation and Incest witch is More Pathetic?


I just met you but if I don't let you have Sx with me cause I'm a Hooker who just doesn't know it yet even though EveryOne keeps telling me you'll Probably rape SomeOne who doesn't have the Strength of Character to write about her Xperiences and post them on the interNet using her Real Name will you buy me a Drink I haven't realized I'm a Top-Notch Hooker yet and have no Money but let me tell you what a Talented Writer I am no? you don't want to hear about that? Okay let's fuck then does that count as Consent? Don't worry about it I'll just blame mySelf. I have Mental Health Issues that's why my Writing makes no Sense and Only I think it's Good and I can't seem to keep my Legs together.

They say drinking Alcohol causes Women to get raped but if we weren't Drunk how could my Boyfriend convince me we werent in Love?


Once upon a Time I was 20 Years Old and living in NYC and trying not to be a Prostitute and being courted by Various Men of Various Ages who shared backGrounds in Psychology, One of whom produced My Super Ex-Girlfriend with Uma Thurman and told me about meeting a Famous Madame who'd just gotten out of Jail the Week before he took me on, One of whom was an 80 YO Man from Connecticut or One of those Carolinas who’d been doing Xperiments with Dog’s Memories. Anyway. He told me a Story about anOther Young Woman he’d made Friends with for his Old Man Kicks who’d been dumped by her Boyfriend & so had fucked like 6 of his Close Friends, a Story I related to. When the Old Psychologist told the Story I thought the Young Woman was feeling Vengeful so she decided to fuck as Many as she could of her XBoyfriend’s Friends, to get back at him, to show him how Desirable she was, but let me offer anOther Xplination for the Woman’s Behavior, now that I am Older and Wiser.


Am I Crazy or am I a Gangster's Assassin X-Girlfriend?

It’s Possible what happened to the American Girl who fucked like All her Boyfriend’s Friends after he dumped her was what has been happening to me since my Boyfriend I’m still in love with dumped me ( over and over and over and it just won’t stick ). Because I lost my Virginity to a Guy I liked who was an Alpha Male whose Social Position and Potential mirrored my Own, I remained eNergetically affixed to that Boy even after he dumped me for being “High-Maintenance” - Misogynist Boispeak for wanting to come out about our Secret Sxual Relationship to Family and Friends. That I was suited to and eNergetically affixed to a Reasonably intelLigent Socially-eLevated Sadistic Dominant biSxual Alpha Male with a Secrecy Fetish meant that even though this Boy didn’t want to be with me because Confusing unConscious Fear about his Older Handsomer Brother or Controlling Dad stealing me from him if he ever brought me around them, noBody else in Small Town could Properly meet my Sxual eNergy Levels so I made up for a Lack of Quality with Quantity: instead of having Primarily Monogamous but Swinger Sx with my Boyfriend I was in Love with whose Parents had approved our Union I had Xpoitative Drunken Sx with Rediculously Numerous Gentler or Stupider Beta Males and my Boyfriend appeared not to be with me, a Pattern of Xtreme Promiscuity I have continued to follow into Adulthood, Only now I go for CEOs and Dictators and Master Criminals and Great Artists. The Only Person I think I could ever be Primarily Monogamous to, if Things were Different, but, they aren’t, is the Guy who took my Virginity. That Guy, unFortunately, is a Sadistic Pimp who wants me to be the Emotionally-Detached Zinger Prostitute from his Father’s Mistress Fantasy he was Alone wandering through the Trails of in his Big Clean House after his Sister and Brother left. So, I behave like an Emotionally-Detached Mistress Prostitute Whore to Much Older Men even though, Really, I miss the Guy who took my Virginity and this is All a Ploy to get him to like me. This is what I think happened to the American Girl who fucked All her Boyfriend’s Friends: not that she Necessarily wanted to revenge herSelf, or maybe that’s what she told herSelf to feel Better, like I do, tell mySelf I am the Coke Bride from Kill Bill, but that when her Boyfriend who was a Match for her dumped her Rudely her eNergy turned to the Number of Men Closest to the Couple it would take to fill the Resulting eNergy Vaccuum Vagina Metafor, which is why it’s Degrading, for the Woman, to get dumped and have to resort to that Kind of Promiscuity. Personal Xperience: having to fuck Numerous Men who don’t satisfy you to compensate for being cast-aside by the Man you should be with for whatever Reasons on his End is Emotionally and Physically Traumatizing for the Woman and that I have xprienced this Trauma leads me to understand why it has been Social Convention for Young People to marry for Life before they have Sx. However. Insisting Young People be married for Life before they have Sx & punishing them if they transgress, which is Common Custom in Many Parts of the World, is not the Solution to Sxual-Rejection by a Suitable Mate for whatever his Reasons driving Women to Damaging Nymphomaniacal Compensation Behavior, given had I been Abstinent with my Burgeoning SadoMasochistic Pimp Teenage Boyfriend until marrying him that would not have prevented his Bottled-up Big-Shot Dad projecting his repressed Mistress Hooker Sxual Fetishes onto me for being the Nearest Boobliest Girl around and then raping me and then me being considered Damaged Goods and being shipped to the Loony Bin to live out my Days in Babbling Scapegoated Misery while my Boyfriend was remarried to a not-so-Rapeable Girl with little Tits and no Sass so the Dad could keep his impOrtant Job and the Family Honor or whatever. The Solution to Female Compensational Nymphomania is not enForced Abstinence & Marriage for Young People of Both Genders but for Society to understand and accommodate the Nature of Masculine Dominant and Feminine submissive Sxual eNergy Polarity, how it leads to the Myth of Consent and Clueless Sxually Nubile Young Women being blamed for their Real and Imaginary Rape Xperiences.


But why go out in Public with Adults who might take inCriminating Photographs when you when you could have a Teenage Girl in your Mind. Let her try to prove that happened Oh NO Shit how did it end up in an American Music Video???? You got the Wrong Daughter-in-Law! Ahhh! Don't make me think about fucking them Both I am trying Really Hard not to be a Total Failure here!





There xists no “Proof” my Boyfriend’s Dad had or has an inAppropriate Crush on Teenage me resulted from his repressing his Desire for Multiple Adult Lovers Xcept that I have been behaving Nymphomaniacally since Adolescence and as an Adult am coming out with a Story about my Boyfriend’s Dad having a Crush on me and me not being able to resist folding into this Crush to the Point I am seeking him out and I think if we got within Physical Proximity of One anOther for whatever intenTional or uninTentional Reason ( and if I don’t do it inTentionally it will happen uninTentionally ) he will rape me in Some Violent Way that will cause me to pass out as if Drunk, a Scenario I have been Cyclically living out with Strangers since I was a Teenager. I’m a Reportedly Nuts Druggie Nympho Multiple Anal-Rape Victim who hasn’t been able to get over his Son she is not Worthy of because she’s a Drunken Whore and Mr Dad-of-the-Year is an upStanding Citizen & Powerful Snob who wants you to know how Pressed are his Linens and Married is his Prostate and how Educated & Goodlooking & Related-to-One-an-Other are his Children. However. This Dynamic where I am inSane Orifice and my Boyfriend and his Dad are Fully in Control of their Penises that want noThing to do with my Orifi is in keeping with the Nature of Masculine Dominant / Female submissive eNergy Polarities in which whatever a Masculine Dominant inDividual wishes to hold as True, no Matter how True is it - Caleb McEwan and his Dad are so not in Control of their Compass-Point Penises, let me tell you what they get up to at Night - whatever the Masculine Dominant wants to be taken as True is taken as True now Matter how True it is while the submissive Woman who is involved with the Dominating Male xpresses the Emotional Truth of the Situation. When a Dominant Male is lying, even if he is believed at his Lie, his Woman will behave as if she is living a Lie, am I lying?


Secret: it blows


We want to believe for Simplicity’s Sake that Cases of Rape are Black and White - a Man comes on to a Woman who doesn’t want him and she fights back she says no but he forces and it is a Rape; a Man comes on to a Woman and she wants him she submits and it is a Consensual - but Rape lives in the Shades of Grey and Very Often what makes a Rape a Rape is there was no Opportunity to say no or fight back, saying fighting back or saying no would be Worse than saying yes - a Beating on Top of a Rape - and so then a Woman consents to her being raped, but this is still Rape, even if she consented to it, there still ought to be Justice for the Rape even if she Never said no, even if she Kind of flirted, even if she asked for it you heard. Being raped by SomeOne you maybe wanted to have Sx with, you maybe consented to, is called ‘Date Rape’ & it is Very Hard to get Justice for a Date Rape because it is Very Hard, unlike with a Forcible Rape, where there is More Obvious Physical Trauma, to prove a ‘Rape’ Actually took Place as opposed to a Girl with a Vivid Imagination and an unFounded Grudge; she could be accusing the Man of Rape for Selfish Reasons that have noThing to do with him raping her and her wanting Justice, that have rather to do with a Petty Trifle like not wanting to be dumped by his Son who took her Virginity, and it would be in the Date Rapist’s intereSt to convince Others of the Vengeful inSanity of the Victim like that it has been in my XBoyfriend’s intereSt to make it appear as if I am Crazy & Clingy & High-Maintenance & hold a Grudge against him for dumping me, rather than that his Behavior towards me over Many Years has been Abusive, and if I hadn’t written Everything that he did to me into a Novel People are too Scared and distracted by the Punctuation Stylizations to read, how would Anyone know that he has been manipulating and Sxually-xploiting and Cruelly rejecting me for Years and this has locked me in an Abusive co-Dependent Cycle with him? I am Mentally Ill and Clingy and High-Maintenance and a Whore, and my XBoyfriend wants and will find a Woman who needs Limited inTimacy but is also Sxually-Faithful to him and not a Professional Hooker Mistress HA Good Luck with that. Better hope your not-Clingy Wife she doesn’t ditch you for your even-Better-looking-&-Slightly-Nicer-Oddly-Perpetually-Single Older Brother or your Dad doesn’t cop-a-Feel on your White Wedding Day, Oh the Joys of being an Upperclass Family of Male Studlies who All look and act the Same eNtitled Perverted Way how I pity you 3.


Keep a Watch out for - underRated Female Artists. Better keep those Girls underRated. Try: "The Random CapitalizAtions & nUdes diminish your Literary Credibility, Andrea" that'll force her to fuck you to validate herSelf Creatively.


I don’t feel I have the Choice of turning down my Boyfriend’s Dad ( or his Brother for that Matter ) or even of avoiding him even though I think he’s Gross and Pretentious and Confused ( and the Brother is like a Patriotic Painting of a Lumberjack with a Degree ) and I might punch him in the Face if I see him. I think the Closest Thing I have to a Choice in Terms of Sx with my Boyfriend’s Dad ( or the Chiseled Canadian Beard who went to University and moved to Calgary. Oooh. Calgary. No wonder he's still Single and was a DJ. Way to move to the Town where you are Least Likely to find a Marriageable Woman for your Sumptuous Taste in Swingers, Brian, that's not Suspicious at All ) is Consent to being raped by him under Controlled Circumstances vs being raped by him Randomly and I’m going to go with the First Option where I figure out how to minimize the Damage to me and the Dude by writing Speculative Essays and Stories instead of like you know cause it’s what you’ve been doing - pretend the Thing about me getting raped is Fiction because I’m Crazy and so Andrea Coates who is Crazy Useless at EveryThing else that ‘earns Money’ heads out to find a Sugar Daddy, starts hanging around Conspicuously in Vancouver Places where Old Rich Men go to find Economically Vulnerable Young Women in Fishnets and Lo and behold it's my Boyfriend’s Dad! He got out of SmT for a Reason. but. you can take the Pervert out of the Small Town. can't take the Small Town out of the Pervert. who then pays me Stuff to rape me because has he spent a Lot of Years not raping me or Anyone else and here I am Really needing his Rape Money to buy Drugs to deal with the Stress of being raped Repeatedly HAHAHAHA it’s so Fun to be a Mistress Whore for your Xpensive Rape Fantasies how Many Gold Chanel Watches will make up for the Fact I am the Perfect Welfare-Mom-so-Sxe-I-havent-got-Any-Other-Career-Options Recipient for your Clandestine XtraMarital Jizzim, Dude?


I'd say it would be a Struggle to find the Right Girl but the Only Person whose Taste in Young Women I'd trust is a Chip off the Old Block, now off you go to Jail Mr Pickton you killed Twenty Squaws too Many for the RCMP to cover it up.


I think because my Boyfriend’s Dad is a Classy Rapist he doesn’t need to resort to Physical Violence or inTimidation like an unCouth Rapist - he can rape me in his Mind where no One can hear or see I’m All Gooey and wanting it like in that Cool Lana Video, dangle that Dream out there and sit back and watch me come reeling in begging for it because I heard, I saw, and then say to EveryOne: “She came on to me!” or “It’s my Son’s Fault. He dumped her.” No. I didn’t come on to you. And your Son didn’t dump me, he just keeps telling me he’s dumping me and for Some Reason I don’t believe him he’s a Liar. You, Grown Man who were not getting laid enough for Reasons that have to do with your Patriarchal enTitlement - how your Wife gave her up eNergy to you so you could be Mr Career Patriarch but on the Other End that caused you to crave More Kinky Sx than your Wife could offer - imagined my Whorish Teenage Desire for your Deserving beDeviling Old Man Penis and I’m Smart and Sensitive, I picked up on it as Well as the Fact there is no ‘resisting the Projection’ there is no ‘behaving Differently than the Projection’: when your Teenage Boyfriend’s Powerful Dad decides you, Teenage Girl my Son has a Crush on, look like a little Hooker BANG a little Hooker is what you grow up to be, it doesn’t matter how Good you are at drawing or writing or whatever you might be Good at Other than Hookering, or how distasteful you find Hookering, you will not be able to behave Otherwise than like your Boyfriend’s Powerful Dad’s Teen Hooker, what a Legacy. I am a Sx Pixi for Some Family of Stupid Greedy Men who at the Moment are pretending I am not the Family Sx Pixi so they can appear Socially Conservative so Dad can keep his inScrutable Job for unimPeachable Moralists, gee that was going Really Well for him until the Girl who grew up down the Street from his Family started accusing him of Rape how could that happen to an Otherwise imMaculate Career in looking down at People? Meanwhile, what do I have to lose if it turns out Mr McEwan doesn’t rape Anyone, let Alone me? My Friends? Which Friends? My Job? What Job? My Sanity? Where’d that go? The Only Thing I get out of this Rapey-Neighbors Mess that’s worth AnyThing is my Power to make Fun of the Stodgy Old Rapist and his Nordic Canadian Ken-Doll Sons and will I make them the Butt of the Best Joke HAHAHAHA I’m laughing at them here on my Blog even if EveryOne else thinks the Dad’s an imPeccable Study of Civil Servant Success, his Sons are Facebook Profiles of Eligible Fireman Bachelors, and I am a Desperate Horny Bitch who wasn't Good enough for Any of them or even a Conversation with the Mom about how the One Goth Kid of hers treated me like a Hooker so now I’m a Hooker Surprise and thus would pretend the Two Dudes on the Ends are Abusive and the One in the Middle is a Sticker.


I will insist on dressing like this from now on. If my Sxually Abusive Neighbor Debacle goes to Court I will show up as Maleficent and Doors will fly Open for me and no One will take away my Goblet of Crazy Juice or I will curse them and their Legitimate Children with my Scepter


I was not born a Vengeful Mistress Whore. My Boyfriend’s Dad and Daddy’s little Boy wanted me to be a Mistress Whore because - what Fun! a Woman who wants noThing More than to have Kinky Sx with you! Casually and then not talk to you after because it’s her Job to want to have Kinky Sx with you - not Love! Love is for the Square Wives - did your Dad teach you that? and I feel Vengeful. The Most Vengeful Thing I could do is Endlessly talk at the Man Idiots about how I am in a Long-Term Relationship with them where I have Many Love Feelings despite being a Hooker Mistress who gets raped. Talk and Talk and Talk about being stuck in a Long Term Relationship in which there is Love but I am a Hooker Mistress who gets raped. Watch them flee in Horrified Horny Terror where I am a Madwoman who hates them! Watch them face Raging Hot Forest Fires instead of me! HAHAHAHA. What might I have been Otherwise than a Vengeful Mistress Whore? - the Only Kind of Mistress Whore there is is Vengeful!!!!! It’s Hard to say because I think Pudgy little ‘you know what you should be, Andrea, if you love me, Ideally, is a Kinky Mistress Whore I can visit on Occasion who doesn't try to talk to me when I don’t want to listen to her Thaanx you're a Doll but you should work on those Mental Health Problems of yours they annoy me’ is the Only Guy I’ve been in Love with and trying to replace with Other Sadistic Drug Dealers and Look-a-like CEOs and Relatives ( jody is my Best Friend who is a Man. He’s like my Girlfriend if my Girlfriend were a Man. Get it? - I need a Man. Or Several. Because they All fall Short. ) I may have had a High Sx Drive. I may have been Curious about Polyamory. I did not want to be a Career Prostitute who has Sx with her Boyfriend’s Dad, Okay? That Part is Rape. But is going to happen. Soonish.


Despite Much-reProduced by me Xplicit interNet Photos
I Actually have One of these on my Ass 
due to being raped up there Multiple Times 
in Various Drunken Hazes
Who has the Key? 
Maybe if I keep showing People the Picture
I can assure you I have not been drinking though I was on MDMA and Possibly Cocaine who can remember when that Photo was taken in 2012.

No. It isn't. Sx Education is the Best Way. Who learned what an Ass looks like from this inteLligent Blog?


Yes. It does. It's called Rape and Sometimes, being Vigilantly Abstinent outside of Marriage is what causes you to do it to your Son's Clever and Beautiful Girlfriend who is Never around. What was he having you believe? That he was Abstinent? Did he look Abstinent? Did he look like the Kind of Kid who Respectfully waits for her to be Ready with a Cute, Pert, let's-wait-til-it's-Special Pony-Tail Sober? or did he look like the Secretive Criminal Kid has Threesomes with Precocious Drug Whores in not-so-Secret or did your Daughter not tell what she saw him up to or did you not notice the Cricket Bat and Fastidious Lying? What is Wrong with you People? Oh, I figured it out, that's what's Wrong with you People.

Yeah. Me & G have a Special Relationship All Right. If Only I'd held him off Longer, that would have prevented him wishing I was a Hooker.

What if - you've been trying to STOP for Years? What if - it doesn't matter how Many Times you block her on Facebook or how Many Babies she has with Other People? What if - Repeatedly telling a Woman who loves you to STOP loving you because why? you are a Reprehensible Career Criminal Abusive Boyfriend? causes her to Sxe blackmail your Dad? Abstinence. Actually compounding of the Problem here. You know what happened to me the Last Time I was Consciously Abstinent from Sx had noThing to do with being Pregnant? I made up in my Head that a Guy I'd known for 2 Months who looked like Brian McEwan was going to marry me and sent him inCessant Letters and Masturbating-by-my-Self Porn. This Time, I made up that my XBoyfriend's Dad rapes me. Abstinence. Clearly bringing me Closer to God and Pure Thoughts.

Sxual Abstinence for Young People, Popularly-promoted in the USA, paid Lip-Service in Canada, does not work in Practice to protect Young People from Rape by Other Young People, Nevermind Old People, because it implies a Young Person, eSpecially a Young Woman, can say ‘No’ to the Sxual Projections onto her as an Object of Sxual Desire. This Essay, based on my Life as my Boyfriend’s Dad’s Hooker Mistress, is an Argument for how Difficult it is, for Young Women, to reject and behave Otherwise than Sxual Projections onto them coming from People with More Power than they have - Lolita makes the First Move on Humbert, I make the First Move on my Boyfriend’s Dad. Not because I want him, but because he wants me to want him and my eNergy is submissive to his as a Young Woman with no Social Power before a Old Man with Wealth and Prestige. Telling me that I brought this on mySelf will Only cause me to Self-Destruct in Shame. I did not bring this on mySelf. A Much More Powerful Man’s Sxual Fantasy was superimposed onto me as a Young Woman in his eNvironment. The Myth of Consent holds True for Young Men as Well: ‘Caleb McEwan’ didn’t ‘chose’ to become an Xploitative Pimp-like Abusive Boyfriend, which is Probably why I still like him though he's an Xploitative Pimp-like Abusive Boyfriend. He was acting out a One-Sided it’s-Imaginary-so-don’t-worry-how-Realistic-or-Respectful Sxual Fantasy of his Father’s with a Real Girl who had Real Feelings about how she was being treated unRealistically and disRespectfully in their Real Relationship. The Only Person who had Any Power of Consent in Terms of my Married-Man/Mistress Dynamic with Teenage Caleb who wasn’t married xcept maybe to me, his Mistress, was his Dad, who could have chosen to act on his Mistress Fantasy in a Responsible Way with an Adult Woman and taught his Son about Respectful Behavior towards Women, but did he feel like he had that Choice cause he Certainly didnt make it and I thought he was supposed to be Good at weighing his Options? Caleb wanted to break up with me and move on to a Healthier Relationship with anOther Girl his Dad would approve of. He wanted to resist me when I came on to him. But he couldn’t, even though he is the Dominant and I the submissive, he has been inCapable of breaking up with me in More than a Superficial Way - I continue to tail him and profess an unDying Love to him he doesn’t want. Because Caleb McEwan and I were eNergetic Matches who established an Abusive co-Dependent sadoMasochistic Relationship Dynamic as Youth, we are stuck in that Dynamic, it doesn’t matter how Many Other People One or the Other of us has Sx with, it doesn’t matter if I have Sx with his Dad - G and I are still in an Abusive co-Dependent Hooker/Pimp Relationship and we cannot get out. Our Only ‘Choice’ here, between Caleb and me and his Dad,  is to chose to be Nice to Each Other, to be Helpful to One anOther out of Rationalized Mutual Self-intereSts where we could Otherwise chose to sue One anOther for Defamation of Character or Lost inCome due to Psychological Stress resulting from Emotional and Sxual Abuse.


What if - I sang this Song with my Hair in a BraidWrap? Then would it be a Pop Song? Or would Someone wind up in Cuffs? I think if I convinced People to let you off the Hook there would be a Canadian rEvolution in Lolita Haze meets Yulia Tymoshenko Style who can resist Sxual Vulnerability meets Political Power Certainly not you.



And while it makes Good Sense to talk of Consent in Terms of Sx, who can say they have consented to who they fall in Love with? Do I want to still be in Love with Awful Caleb McEwan? Have I not been trying for Years to be in Relationships with Other People? Did Caleb McEwan’s Dad want to project his Imaginary Mistress onto his Son’s GF? No One wanted Any of that. Caleb McEwan is Hateful and his Dad’s is a Rapist because of the Control they xcercise over their Sx Drives, not the Lack of Control ( Dad’s a Rapist because he worked Very Hard not to be a Man who cheats on his Wife, Good Job Daddy; Son's Negligent to the Point of Abusive because he's trying not to be into a Hooker, Good Job Sonny ). Caleb has Never raped me because I am Powerless not to be Madly in Love with him. I’m so in Love with him he wants to dump me but can’t. Consent is Hardly as Much a Factor in Any of this as it is in Terms of the Weather - you can Only predict and prepare for the Weather, you cannot control it.



This isn’t an Argument against Female Promiscuity, even against Old Men fetishizing and having Sx with Much Younger Women - it is a Recognition that if you behave Compulsively Promiscuously, it could be out of a Lack of a Suitably Powerful Sxually-Reciprocal Partner in your eNvironment, or because you get raped in the Past or Future, and are trying to plug the Resulting Wound in your Soul with Distractions and Cheap Loves. Compulsive Sxual Behavior is like a Drug Addiction: you will keep having to take More and More Drugs to fill the eMptiness until you xamine Closely why it is there - in my Case Early Life Sxual Xploitation at the Hands of a Boy I loved who loved me who was trying to keep me away from his Dad and Brother who would have raped me so relegated our Relationship to furtive inToxicated eNcounters and hardned I mean softened himSelf into Pathologically-lying Sociopath with a Single, Buried, Nighttime-on-Mushrooms Honest Hard-on. That I can’t do AnyThing with my Time but grokk out my Traumatic Relationships is a Reflection of my Reciprocal Mate(s) Refusal to Self-Xamine so as to remain in Comfortable Popular Denial. In Order for Caleb to go about working Hard at his Job he works Hard at to avoid being or thinking about being a Drug Dealer Pimp with a Rapist for an impOrtant Dad, he must be in Denial of these Truths, which means he must Stress that I am not a Credible Source of informAtion, which hurts me who needs to speak my Truth and be believed to heal from it, so speaks Louder WITH BIGGER LETTERS to be heard by More People to make up for how the People who should be listening ( the McEwans, who need to be made Aware of how their Upper Class Social Ambitions aka Human Power relate to Sxual Perversion ) are not listening.



Dominant Masculine eNergy is Nullifying, Obtuse, inDestructible. It’s Response to All Stress is to behave as if inErt of Emotion and Stress - thus ( Mostly ) Men can carry out Horrific Deeds and feel no Remorse. Submissive Feminine eNergy reacts to the Tendency of Dominant Masculine eNergy to deny Emotive and Sensory Xperiences by inflating Emotive and Sensory Xperiences, which causes an inflAtion of Both these Properties. Xample: an eNvironmental Stressor xists - a Condescending Rapist Father. Teenage Boy reacts to this eNvironmental Stressor by becoming a Compulsively Lying Emotional Dialtone while avoiding Home as Much as Possible and taking Lots of Distracting Drugs in Secret. Teenage Girl who is having Sx with him reacts to Teenage Boy by developing a biPolar Mood disOrder, getting Ostentatiously Drunk, picking Fights, and fucking too Many People. Teenage Boy reacts to Teenage Girl by withdrawing Emotionally and Socially from their Romantic Relationship. Teenage Girl reacts to Teenage Boy by stalking him, writing down All the Weird Things he does and she does she can’t xplain in her Novel Journal. Adult Boy pretends Adult Girl’s Novel Account of his Abusive Behavior towards her is not on the interNet and not about him for Real. Adult Girl writes Letters to Adult Boy’s Mother and Brother and when she gets no Response sends a Creepy Package Full of Art about how he rapes her and is going to lose his Job to become a Gangster rEvolutionary to the Dad. etc. Because the submissive Woman is the One reacting Strongly to the eNvironmental Stressor despite a Degree of Detachment from it ( she is reacting to the Son’s Stress around his overBearing Father she is being kept away from ), it is Possible to put the Blame for Stress in the eNvironment on the submissive Feminine eNergy Woman; she becomes an Emotional Lightning Rod. ie: the Problem in this Situation is the Dominating Father, however, it Xternally appears as if the Son’s Crazy X-GF who makes up Stories for the interNet is the Problem. Shallow Thinkers will inVariably ( in my Xperience ) blame a Person with a Great Deal of Feminine Sxual eNergy, whether Man or Woman, for Social Ills & eNvironmental Stresses, because these People Most Clearly xpress the Emotional Toll of Social Ills & eNvironmental Stresses. Commonly, the Practice of Scapegoating a Feminine inDividual is called a ‘Witch Hunt’. An Xample is the imPoverished Women who have been turning up Dead, raped and strangled, in the Mexican North, who it is Common Practice to blame for their Horrific Murders on Account of their being ‘Sluts’ or ‘Whores’, when the Murders are the Result of a Chain rEaction of Social and Emotional Phenomena relating to the Multi-National ‘War on Drugs’. The Women of Juarez are being killed by Male Mexican Cartel Members who to earn More than a Pittance Legally in their Country or ilLegally in Canada or America mutilate their eMpathic inStincts to work in the Drug Trade, a Mutilation of the Inner Feminine they are outWardly acting in the Brutal Mutilations of inDividual Women. People’s Sxual Practices are always a reflection of their Emotional Realities. My Boyfriend’s Dad has spent his Life taking Advantage of the Vulnerabilities of Others to proffer himSelf Social Prestige. So he rapes a Young Woman to impress the People of Vancouver. Drugs, a Feminizing Force, are being blamed for Multiplicit Social Ills that I would attribute. rather, to Oppressive Capitalist Patriarchy. People and Regions don’t just develop Drug Problems out of the Blue. They respond to eNvironmental Stressors and Oppression by escaping through intoxicAtion. Young Women do not Spontaneously manifest Compulsive Nymphomania and Rape Accusations. They respond to eNvironmental Stressors and Oppression by escaping through intoxicAtion and trying to draw Attention to their Feelings of Violation.


- from the Philosopher of Sx Drugs & Anarky